For a while I’ve been wanting to write about something I care about. The complex, gritty, but also highly valuable and interesting journey of introspection, getting to know new sides of myself, and to increase the threshold for and the communicative limit for my Cognitive Functions.
My trouble is that I always seem to get stuck at trying to neatly fold everything together, when in my daily life, it is the interwoven interconnectedness that Is the essence of the process and my life. The different ‘modes’ of being are wreathed together, and usually led by the one I’m most comfortable with. Like a leaf might look an evenly distributed green from a distance, it is only when you get closer, that the subtleties and nuances crop up.
I like the subtleties a lot, as getting to know the voices in me that I listen to less/are unaware of, also gives me a lot of insight into how these “funtions” (People/Person from hereon forth) are actually influencing the whole system (Tribe from now on), but in ways that might be a bit asynchronous to how a more developed and articulate Person would formulate and go about it.
To give an example: I have the understanding that I have a Person in me that sees themselves as fully Isolated, Alone and any relationship as Cold. This Person has an outlook on life and living that is very, very different from the overall conscious understanding of Life, the World and Living I am used to. Still, by listening and giving this Person the necessary time and effort to grow, I noticed that it can talk to other, more developed People in my inner Tribe—and to my surprise, the complexity and profound ideas that arise from those interactions are very precious and valuable to me.
One such insight relates to a certain notion that the Universe, Earth and everything feels/is dead/offline. This isn’t something I am prone to notice, as there is Life all around. But it pertains to a certain sense of incongruity, I guess based on what kind of Data this Person has collected throughout the years—and how another Person in me, with more skill and fluency, can collect, interpret and compile this Data to more clear messages.
To go from a conscious being that mainly would deal in different perspectives, and a relativistic tone (Well, that is one way to see it), more and more I notice a wholly different Person in me. A Person with beliefs that are in the “Should” category, and that can’t be dismissed the way I am used to. It is wrong—because it is wrong.
However, it isn’t really the person to ask if I want to fix things. It is the Person to ask things like: Would you want to leave existence in this Universe in its totality? Is there something like a spiritual/energetical realm? What is the colour of Loneliness? What emotions do you feel towards the world, humanity, living, the planet and your own life? Or that expresses cold malice in questions like: Why can’t I talk to the Universe? Why can’t I talk to the Earth? Why aren’t stones alive? Why isn’t everything alive, conscious, and in a mutual dance to connect and make things reciprocally better? Why does doing what is good not change my body? Why does my body feel like it is borrowed? Why is this place so hostile towards my consciousness?
Still, it is only a start, an early and still limited understanding of what lies there, and what the values and understandings are that this Person brings to the table. And, it isn’t like I can just keep listening, as many of the inputs this Person adds, are fundamentally opposed or highly reactive to many other People—and so it is a process that needs to happen gradually, with a lot of integration, soothing, translating and growth in other People, to make it not turn into a full blown unbalance that might create small/big abberations that terrorize either myself or others.
For a while I’ve been wanting to write about something I care about. The complex, gritty, but also highly valuable and interesting journey of introspection, getting to know new sides of myself, and to increase the threshold for and the communicative limit for my Cognitive Functions.
My trouble is that I always seem to get stuck at trying to neatly fold everything together, when in my daily life, it is the interwoven interconnectedness that Is the essence of the process and my life. The different ‘modes’ of being are wreathed together, and usually led by the one I’m most comfortable with. Like a leaf might look an evenly distributed green from a distance, it is only when you get closer, that the subtleties and nuances crop up.
I like the subtleties a lot, as getting to know the voices in me that I listen to less/are unaware of, also gives me a lot of insight into how these “funtions” (People/Person from hereon forth) are actually influencing the whole system (Tribe from now on), but in ways that might be a bit asynchronous to how a more developed and articulate Person would formulate and go about it.
To give an example: I have the understanding that I have a Person in me that sees themselves as fully Isolated, Alone and any relationship as Cold. This Person has an outlook on life and living that is very, very different from the overall conscious understanding of Life, the World and Living I am used to.
Still, by listening and giving this Person the necessary time and effort to grow, I noticed that it can talk to other, more developed People in my inner Tribe—and to my surprise, the complexity and profound ideas that arise from those interactions are very precious and valuable to me.
One such insight relates to a certain notion that the Universe, Earth and everything feels/is dead/offline. This isn’t something I am prone to notice, as there is Life all around. But it pertains to a certain sense of incongruity, I guess based on what kind of Data this Person has collected throughout the years—and how another Person in me, with more skill and fluency, can collect, interpret and compile this Data to more clear messages.
To go from a conscious being that mainly would deal in different perspectives, and a relativistic tone (Well, that is one way to see it), more and more I notice a wholly different Person in me. A Person with beliefs that are in the “Should” category, and that can’t be dismissed the way I am used to. It is wrong—because it is wrong.
However, it isn’t really the person to ask if I want to fix things. It is the Person to ask things like: Would you want to leave existence in this Universe in its totality? Is there something like a spiritual/energetical realm? What is the colour of Loneliness? What emotions do you feel towards the world, humanity, living, the planet and your own life?
Or that expresses cold malice in questions like: Why can’t I talk to the Universe? Why can’t I talk to the Earth? Why aren’t stones alive? Why isn’t everything alive, conscious, and in a mutual dance to connect and make things reciprocally better? Why does doing what is good not change my body? Why does my body feel like it is borrowed? Why is this place so hostile towards my consciousness?
Still, it is only a start, an early and still limited understanding of what lies there, and what the values and understandings are that this Person brings to the table. And, it isn’t like I can just keep listening, as many of the inputs this Person adds, are fundamentally opposed or highly reactive to many other People—and so it is a process that needs to happen gradually, with a lot of integration, soothing, translating and growth in other People, to make it not turn into a full blown unbalance that might create small/big abberations that terrorize either myself or others.