i don’t know why but every time i was getting closer to a girl i felt the desire to never talk to her again
Use some psychologist to find out; the information may be important. Meanwhile, here are some random guesses:
getting closer to a girl is very stressful, so at some moment you just want to have less stress in your life;
initially you lower your expectations, because getting “any girlfriend” seems like the priority, but once you have a realistic chance, you realize that you actually do have expectations, and she does not meet them;
you are actually gay or asexual, and you only want a girlfriend because of social pressure;
you are scared of intimacy or sex, so you stop the process when the danger becomes too real.
The advice will be different depending on the real course. For example, if you are a gay or asexual, I would say “stop pushing yourself to do something you actually don’t want to do”; if you are scared of intimacy, I would suggest a therapy; if you have too high expectations, I would remind you that dating is not a lifetime contract, and you can also have fun and sex with someone whom you plan to replace later (this may sound evil, but it’s what many people do).
Thank you for your propositions :) i don’t think i’m gay or asexual because i do have some fantasms on girls so i’m maybe scared of getting closer to a girl or scared of intimacy ! I only know my body and i realize that it’s very hard for me to think that i could share another body than mine
There is the “diminishing returns” aspect in dancing too. Learn five basic figures from each dance I mentioned above and you are the king; already a better dancer than 90% of men around you in a random situation. Also at that moment you will know enough to make your own decisions.
You need Waltz for 3⁄4 music, there is no other choice; and in social situations 3⁄4 music will happen. Quickstep, Jive, Cha-cha and Salsa are quite flexible; for any 4⁄4 or 2⁄4 music one or more of them will fit; if there is a lot of space go for Quickstep or Cha-cha, if there is less space Jive or Salsa will do. (Not sure which one? Choose randomly; and if it feels too slow or too quick, try another.)
An important part is learning to lead your partner. The rule of thumb is that your partner cares about moving her feet properly, while you gently push/pull/rotate her body at specific moments. If your timing is good and the signals are clear, the moves will come “natural” to her even if she is a total beginner. (How well the couple dances depends mostly on how well the man dances. Which makes it a great opportunity for signalling your skills.) So after you learn the steps in the classroom, as a next lesson try alternating them randomly with only nonverbal communication. Learning this not only makes you a better dancer, but it extends your opportunities in real life, when your partner either didn’t attend any dancing lessons, or she learned different dances than you did.
Use some psychologist to find out; the information may be important. Meanwhile, here are some random guesses:
getting closer to a girl is very stressful, so at some moment you just want to have less stress in your life;
initially you lower your expectations, because getting “any girlfriend” seems like the priority, but once you have a realistic chance, you realize that you actually do have expectations, and she does not meet them;
you are actually gay or asexual, and you only want a girlfriend because of social pressure;
you are scared of intimacy or sex, so you stop the process when the danger becomes too real.
The advice will be different depending on the real course. For example, if you are a gay or asexual, I would say “stop pushing yourself to do something you actually don’t want to do”; if you are scared of intimacy, I would suggest a therapy; if you have too high expectations, I would remind you that dating is not a lifetime contract, and you can also have fun and sex with someone whom you plan to replace later (this may sound evil, but it’s what many people do).
Thank you for your propositions :) i don’t think i’m gay or asexual because i do have some fantasms on girls so i’m maybe scared of getting closer to a girl or scared of intimacy ! I only know my body and i realize that it’s very hard for me to think that i could share another body than mine
My stereotypical advice for everyone: dancing lessons. You will become comfortable with bodies.
I second this advice. It has many other advantages.
Are there any specific kinds of dancing lessons you’d recommend over others?
My personal preference is: Waltz (+Viennese Waltz), Quickstep, Jive, Cha-cha, and Salsa. With this set you have all bases covered.
There is the “diminishing returns” aspect in dancing too. Learn five basic figures from each dance I mentioned above and you are the king; already a better dancer than 90% of men around you in a random situation. Also at that moment you will know enough to make your own decisions.
You need Waltz for 3⁄4 music, there is no other choice; and in social situations 3⁄4 music will happen. Quickstep, Jive, Cha-cha and Salsa are quite flexible; for any 4⁄4 or 2⁄4 music one or more of them will fit; if there is a lot of space go for Quickstep or Cha-cha, if there is less space Jive or Salsa will do. (Not sure which one? Choose randomly; and if it feels too slow or too quick, try another.)
An important part is learning to lead your partner. The rule of thumb is that your partner cares about moving her feet properly, while you gently push/pull/rotate her body at specific moments. If your timing is good and the signals are clear, the moves will come “natural” to her even if she is a total beginner. (How well the couple dances depends mostly on how well the man dances. Which makes it a great opportunity for signalling your skills.) So after you learn the steps in the classroom, as a next lesson try alternating them randomly with only nonverbal communication. Learning this not only makes you a better dancer, but it extends your opportunities in real life, when your partner either didn’t attend any dancing lessons, or she learned different dances than you did.