you can just stop focusing on the whole thing, without pushing yourself into some forced “forgiving”
“just stop focusing on the whole thing” is like “just stop being depressed”. If you’re in the mode described here, it doesn’t work. Any reminder of the thing will return you to stewing, for years or decades. It doesn’t stop until your brain stops thinking of it as an offense that needs to be punished.
As I said above, taboo “forgiving”. The word is noise and distraction, it refers to too many things. The one tiny useful slice of what it more or less means is the part where you let go of being “in the right” about the matter, stop believing on the emotional level that the other party deserves to be hurt for what they did.
“just stop focusing on the whole thing” is like “just stop being depressed”. If you’re in the mode described here, it doesn’t work. Any reminder of the thing will return you to stewing, for years or decades. It doesn’t stop until your brain stops thinking of it as an offense that needs to be punished.
As I said above, taboo “forgiving”. The word is noise and distraction, it refers to too many things. The one tiny useful slice of what it more or less means is the part where you let go of being “in the right” about the matter, stop believing on the emotional level that the other party deserves to be hurt for what they did.