This whole subject is about prejudice; we judge organizations for their cultlike characteristics without investigating them in detail.
What makes people who have multiple relationships this much less trustworthy than ‘normal’ people to you (that you wouldn’t even trust them to organize your closet)?
I think I was unclear: the implication runs in the opposite direction. All the specific poly individuals I’ve met are people I wouldn’t trust to organize my closet, in terms of general life competence (e.g. ability to hold down a job, finish projects they start, keep promises to friends). As a result, when I find out that someone is poly, I consider this evidence (in the Bayesian sense) that they’re incompetent, the same way I would adjust my estimate of someone’s competence if I discovered that they had particular academic qualifications or used a particular drug. (Obviously all these factors are screened off if I have direct evidence about their actual competence level).
Well, I would certainly agree with this. The poly folk I know in their 40s are as a class more successful in their relationships than the poly folk I know in their 20s.
Of course, this is true of the mono folk I know, also.
Which is what I would expect if experience having relationships increased one’s ability to do so successfully.
This whole subject is about prejudice; we judge organizations for their cultlike characteristics without investigating them in detail.
I think I was unclear: the implication runs in the opposite direction. All the specific poly individuals I’ve met are people I wouldn’t trust to organize my closet, in terms of general life competence (e.g. ability to hold down a job, finish projects they start, keep promises to friends). As a result, when I find out that someone is poly, I consider this evidence (in the Bayesian sense) that they’re incompetent, the same way I would adjust my estimate of someone’s competence if I discovered that they had particular academic qualifications or used a particular drug. (Obviously all these factors are screened off if I have direct evidence about their actual competence level).
To throw in a possibly-relevant factor: age.
It seems to me that polyamory in early twenties is quite different from polyamory in late forties.
Well, I would certainly agree with this. The poly folk I know in their 40s are as a class more successful in their relationships than the poly folk I know in their 20s.
Of course, this is true of the mono folk I know, also.
Which is what I would expect if experience having relationships increased one’s ability to do so successfully.