I figure now is a good time for a longer reflection. I woke up quite late today, about 2.5 hours later than I had hoped to. But, it was only 9:18. Whenever I sleep this far past my alarm, I usually get jolted with a bout of anxiety—depression on the bad days. I’ll scramble to get to doing something productive, to make up for lost time. It’s usually not productive.
And so, today I’ve decided to do a long reflection. A very inspiring reflection. Something with some insight. There’s two types of productivity: linear growth and the bomb. I can’t bear to drudge through linear growth on a day like this (though I’m not in such a bad mood). So hopefully I can find a bomb and it will be fun.
My biggest fear—though I’m going to try and start thinking of it as a problem in need of a solution—is what I am going to do for my career. It’s haunted me for about 2 years now. And maybe, the fear is of not being successful. And success being defined as winning a comparison between myself and one of my peers—though maybe it could be generalized to anyone else below the Elon Musk level. Yes, it’s quite toxic and zero-sum and I need some time to change this viewpoint in my mind. Another fear I have is underachieving, And another fear is not enjoying my career. And another is not making much money. And another is not having status. And another is not being of service. Oh, a big one is wasting time and sub-optimal routes.
I have all these fears, fears of failure. And they probably play into a large portion of my struggles and suffering with this question. But, I just realized: I’ve already failed at all of these things. I already experience the pain of failure to some degree. And what does it matter. I have my life, my goals, my aspirations. Failure is *inevitable* on this endeavor. Letting fear consume you hampers your potential.
I figure now is a good time for a longer reflection. I woke up quite late today, about 2.5 hours later than I had hoped to. But, it was only 9:18. Whenever I sleep this far past my alarm, I usually get jolted with a bout of anxiety—depression on the bad days. I’ll scramble to get to doing something productive, to make up for lost time. It’s usually not productive.
And so, today I’ve decided to do a long reflection. A very inspiring reflection. Something with some insight. There’s two types of productivity: linear growth and the bomb. I can’t bear to drudge through linear growth on a day like this (though I’m not in such a bad mood). So hopefully I can find a bomb and it will be fun.
My biggest fear—though I’m going to try and start thinking of it as a problem in need of a solution—is what I am going to do for my career. It’s haunted me for about 2 years now. And maybe, the fear is of not being successful. And success being defined as winning a comparison between myself and one of my peers—though maybe it could be generalized to anyone else below the Elon Musk level. Yes, it’s quite toxic and zero-sum and I need some time to change this viewpoint in my mind. Another fear I have is underachieving, And another fear is not enjoying my career. And another is not making much money. And another is not having status. And another is not being of service. Oh, a big one is wasting time and sub-optimal routes.
I have all these fears, fears of failure. And they probably play into a large portion of my struggles and suffering with this question. But, I just realized: I’ve already failed at all of these things. I already experience the pain of failure to some degree. And what does it matter. I have my life, my goals, my aspirations. Failure is *inevitable* on this endeavor. Letting fear consume you hampers your potential.