And I really cannot think of much less masculine than being afraid of a scar.
Uh, you can be a guy and masculine while also being afraid of scars. I’m a bit amused at this line, because even after transitioning and detransitioning and (as far as I can tell) being intensely part of the queer community for years, you have to drop in a line that gatekeeps masculinity.
note: I have been informed by my hotel mate I cried writing this comment in the bathroom I had to reassure her the audible crying had nothing to do with her.
I thought about this for awhile. My real opinion is that ‘being afraid of a scar on your chest’ just isn’t a great way to live. And so I am not exactly against the traditional masculine gender role discouraging people from being afraid of that stuff. Arguable the ‘traditional masc gender role’ only discourages expressing such fears not having them. I think there is a place for expressing negative emotions, you can’t always bottle them up. But for the most part expressing emotions makes them stronger not weaker. If you are going to cry tears, cry about something that really matters. Or cry about the plight of others not yourself. Though of course I am against oppressing or bullying others.
I am diagnosed with BPD. A nice way to describe BPD is being someone with ‘hard to mange emotions’ and almost always means being really sensitive and easy to hurt. I won’t speak for others but at least for me personally ‘Man up’ has been a good attitude. So its hard for me personally to be too against this aspect of the male gender role. I am mostly a queer community norms partisan but on this one I think trad masculinity has a point. It really does seem better to encourage people to ‘be strong’. Though I dont think bravery and strength always point in a particularly ‘trad’ direction—arguably thats a lot of the point of the post. There are a lot of ways to be a man. But this just isn’t the softest world. The more you can handle your own pain the more strength you have to fight for the people who are in a lot of trouble.
Thats how I see it anyway. And I decided to be quite open about how I really feel about this stuff. I definitely didn’t add many disclaimers to my post, and I could have added a whole lot. For example I am personally not willing to risk bottom surgery. But I have a quite strong commitment to bodily autonomy. I’m very supportive of other people making other choices.
I now see that your claims may mainly be exhortations to yourself, or a more direct reflection of how you relate to yourself. I feel like I understand you better now, and I’m glad about it.
Uh, you can be a guy and masculine while also being afraid of scars. I’m a bit amused at this line, because even after transitioning and detransitioning and (as far as I can tell) being intensely part of the queer community for years, you have to drop in a line that gatekeeps masculinity.
note: I have been informed by my hotel mate I cried writing this comment in the bathroom I had to reassure her the audible crying had nothing to do with her.
I thought about this for awhile. My real opinion is that ‘being afraid of a scar on your chest’ just isn’t a great way to live. And so I am not exactly against the traditional masculine gender role discouraging people from being afraid of that stuff. Arguable the ‘traditional masc gender role’ only discourages expressing such fears not having them. I think there is a place for expressing negative emotions, you can’t always bottle them up. But for the most part expressing emotions makes them stronger not weaker. If you are going to cry tears, cry about something that really matters. Or cry about the plight of others not yourself. Though of course I am against oppressing or bullying others.
I am diagnosed with BPD. A nice way to describe BPD is being someone with ‘hard to mange emotions’ and almost always means being really sensitive and easy to hurt. I won’t speak for others but at least for me personally ‘Man up’ has been a good attitude. So its hard for me personally to be too against this aspect of the male gender role. I am mostly a queer community norms partisan but on this one I think trad masculinity has a point. It really does seem better to encourage people to ‘be strong’. Though I dont think bravery and strength always point in a particularly ‘trad’ direction—arguably thats a lot of the point of the post. There are a lot of ways to be a man. But this just isn’t the softest world. The more you can handle your own pain the more strength you have to fight for the people who are in a lot of trouble.
Thats how I see it anyway. And I decided to be quite open about how I really feel about this stuff. I definitely didn’t add many disclaimers to my post, and I could have added a whole lot. For example I am personally not willing to risk bottom surgery. But I have a quite strong commitment to bodily autonomy. I’m very supportive of other people making other choices.
I now see that your claims may mainly be exhortations to yourself, or a more direct reflection of how you relate to yourself. I feel like I understand you better now, and I’m glad about it.
Note that in general there’s no contradiction between
“X is a very not-Y trait, in fact just about the least Y trait there is”
And
“Nevertheless, one can be X and also overall very Y”