While it sounds good in theory, my experience is that this rarely works, because a romantic partner is usually the person who will be most forgiving towards you. But thinking about the stereotypes of men/women in some cultures, maybe I only think it won’t work because of the American cultural expectations for the behavior of romantic partners.
What you said reflects my experience in past relations so I agree.
An idea I had the other day was to actively seek for the right partner through an internet posting. You could propose a deal like: “If you manage to make me overcome my procrastination we will share the financial benefits.”
Unlike roland and gworley, my experience is that my current romantic partner helps me substantially in my fight against procrastination.
Specifically, my diet is better than it would be if she did not express her opinions on my diet and if I were not motivated to avoid disappointing her. (Both of us have similar chronic health problems, including food allergies.)
Also, she regularly prods me to start a medical treatment that I have been putting off for the last couple of years. Although I have not yet started the treatment, it is pretty clear that I will start it sooner than I would have without her influence. In fact, I might have never gotten around to it without her influence.
For a time, there was an open wifi network available at her apartment, and I would bring a laptop with me during visits to her place to take advantage of it. By the time the open wifi network went away, she had gotten into the habit of monitoring what I was doing on the laptop to make sure I was not wasting time. I found this monitoring quite helpful, and wish that we lived together so she could monitor more of my internet usage or that she was confident enough with computers to use vnc or something to monitor my internet usage remotely when I am at my apartment and she is at hers.
She grew up in New York City, and I get the impression from what she says about her childhood friends that women of her generation who grew up there are more likely to prod their men like this than American women in general are.
I find this strategy to be non-optimal, and sometimes downright counter-effective.
Firstly because it’s a PITA to be that romantic partner: having to not only motivate oneself but somebody else as well. If you care about your romantic partner, you’ll be helping them have an easier life, not a more difficult one (though leave yourself open for mutual motivation agreements).
Secondly—because if you externalise your procrastination, you aren’t “really” learning the habit that you’re trying to instill… if the external motivation stops—so will your new-found habit.
Thirdly—because the pathological case can be dire. I’ve seen partnerships where, for example, one person has been asked to motivate the other into giving up cigarettes… then after a while, the smoker began to resent the “nagging” from the motivator (even though they were originally asked) and then, when the smoker fell off the wagon they actually blamed the motivator for failing to motivate them enough.
Bottom line: it’s ok to ask somebody to help you out… but don’t use them as a crutch, and recognise that it’s not universally beneficial.
From my own experience I know how much a good social environment can help. In my current job the support and inspiration from other group members has greatly helped me with getting things done(as opposed to doing them on my own). I think a lot of the problems with procrastination is that many of the tasks we do nowadays are no longer group tasks, instead we do them on our own like:
Agreed, a supportive social environment is definitely a good thing. Especially if you surround yourself with peers who think it’s normal to do what you’re trying to achieve, for example—eat healthily and play sports, or who think rationally and get things done.
I think there’s a big difference between “supportive friends” and “a drill-instructor whose job it is to motivate you”. I think the latter is purely external motivation, whereas the former lets you set up an environment conducive to intrinsic motivation.
Find a romantic partner who is willing to give you a kick in the ass if you procrastinate.
While it sounds good in theory, my experience is that this rarely works, because a romantic partner is usually the person who will be most forgiving towards you. But thinking about the stereotypes of men/women in some cultures, maybe I only think it won’t work because of the American cultural expectations for the behavior of romantic partners.
What you said reflects my experience in past relations so I agree.
An idea I had the other day was to actively seek for the right partner through an internet posting. You could propose a deal like: “If you manage to make me overcome my procrastination we will share the financial benefits.”
Unlike roland and gworley, my experience is that my current romantic partner helps me substantially in my fight against procrastination.
Specifically, my diet is better than it would be if she did not express her opinions on my diet and if I were not motivated to avoid disappointing her. (Both of us have similar chronic health problems, including food allergies.)
Also, she regularly prods me to start a medical treatment that I have been putting off for the last couple of years. Although I have not yet started the treatment, it is pretty clear that I will start it sooner than I would have without her influence. In fact, I might have never gotten around to it without her influence.
For a time, there was an open wifi network available at her apartment, and I would bring a laptop with me during visits to her place to take advantage of it. By the time the open wifi network went away, she had gotten into the habit of monitoring what I was doing on the laptop to make sure I was not wasting time. I found this monitoring quite helpful, and wish that we lived together so she could monitor more of my internet usage or that she was confident enough with computers to use vnc or something to monitor my internet usage remotely when I am at my apartment and she is at hers.
She grew up in New York City, and I get the impression from what she says about her childhood friends that women of her generation who grew up there are more likely to prod their men like this than American women in general are.
I find this strategy to be non-optimal, and sometimes downright counter-effective.
Firstly because it’s a PITA to be that romantic partner: having to not only motivate oneself but somebody else as well. If you care about your romantic partner, you’ll be helping them have an easier life, not a more difficult one (though leave yourself open for mutual motivation agreements).
Secondly—because if you externalise your procrastination, you aren’t “really” learning the habit that you’re trying to instill… if the external motivation stops—so will your new-found habit.
Thirdly—because the pathological case can be dire. I’ve seen partnerships where, for example, one person has been asked to motivate the other into giving up cigarettes… then after a while, the smoker began to resent the “nagging” from the motivator (even though they were originally asked) and then, when the smoker fell off the wagon they actually blamed the motivator for failing to motivate them enough.
Bottom line: it’s ok to ask somebody to help you out… but don’t use them as a crutch, and recognise that it’s not universally beneficial.
You raise good points and I think I mostly agree.
From my own experience I know how much a good social environment can help. In my current job the support and inspiration from other group members has greatly helped me with getting things done(as opposed to doing them on my own). I think a lot of the problems with procrastination is that many of the tasks we do nowadays are no longer group tasks, instead we do them on our own like:
writing a report
programming
researching something etc...
Agreed, a supportive social environment is definitely a good thing. Especially if you surround yourself with peers who think it’s normal to do what you’re trying to achieve, for example—eat healthily and play sports, or who think rationally and get things done.
I think there’s a big difference between “supportive friends” and “a drill-instructor whose job it is to motivate you”. I think the latter is purely external motivation, whereas the former lets you set up an environment conducive to intrinsic motivation.