I don’t get where the sheer power of this fear comes from.
Status/self-image fears are among the most powerful human fears… and the status-behavior link is learned. (In my work, I routinely help people shed these sorts of fears, as they’re a prominent source of irrationality, stress, procrastination… you name it.)
Basically, you experience one or more situations (most often just one) where a particular behavior pattern is linked to shaming, ridicule, rejection, or some other basic social negative reinforcer. It doesn’t even have to happen to the person directly; it can just be an observation of the response to someone else’s behavior. Under stress, the person then makes a snap judgment as to what the causes of the situation were, and learns to do TWO things:
To internalize the same response to themselves if they express that behavior, and
To have the same response to others having that behavior.
It also works in reverse—if somebody does something bad to you, you learn to direct anger or attempts at ridicule towards that behavior, and also against yourself, as a result of “judging” the behavior itself to be bad, and the marker of a specific social group or class of people.
This can then manifest in odd ways, like not wanting to exhibit behaviors that would mark you as a member of the group you dislike.
One of the prime issues for me as a rationalist trying to learn about marketing (especially direct/internet marketing) was having to get over the fear of being a “dupe” pulled into a “scam” and “cult” situation. Essentially, if you have learned that some group you scorn (e.g. “suckers” or “fools” or whatever you call them) exhibit joining behavior, then you will compulsively avoid that behavior yourself.
I got over it, of course, but you have to actually be self-aware enough to realize that you chose this attitude/behavior for yourself… although it usually happens at a young enough age and under stressful enough conditions that you weren’t thinking very clearly at the time.
But once you’ve examined the actual evidence used, it’s possible to let go of the judgments involved, and then the feelings go away.
Status/self-image fears are among the most powerful human fears… and the status-behavior link is learned. (In my work, I routinely help people shed these sorts of fears, as they’re a prominent source of irrationality, stress, procrastination… you name it.)
Basically, you experience one or more situations (most often just one) where a particular behavior pattern is linked to shaming, ridicule, rejection, or some other basic social negative reinforcer. It doesn’t even have to happen to the person directly; it can just be an observation of the response to someone else’s behavior. Under stress, the person then makes a snap judgment as to what the causes of the situation were, and learns to do TWO things:
To internalize the same response to themselves if they express that behavior, and
To have the same response to others having that behavior.
It also works in reverse—if somebody does something bad to you, you learn to direct anger or attempts at ridicule towards that behavior, and also against yourself, as a result of “judging” the behavior itself to be bad, and the marker of a specific social group or class of people.
This can then manifest in odd ways, like not wanting to exhibit behaviors that would mark you as a member of the group you dislike.
One of the prime issues for me as a rationalist trying to learn about marketing (especially direct/internet marketing) was having to get over the fear of being a “dupe” pulled into a “scam” and “cult” situation. Essentially, if you have learned that some group you scorn (e.g. “suckers” or “fools” or whatever you call them) exhibit joining behavior, then you will compulsively avoid that behavior yourself.
I got over it, of course, but you have to actually be self-aware enough to realize that you chose this attitude/behavior for yourself… although it usually happens at a young enough age and under stressful enough conditions that you weren’t thinking very clearly at the time.
But once you’ve examined the actual evidence used, it’s possible to let go of the judgments involved, and then the feelings go away.