Some examples follow (caveat: these are generalizations based on small data-sets and each rule has exceptions. But I feel they’re broadly true. Others, please support or contradict these ‘rules’).
My non-nerdy friends are more open to physical touch, such as hugging, playful touches during laughter, comforting touches and so on. Nerdy friends seem to restrict themselves to handshakes; some find even handshakes awkward.
More inclined to solidarity rituals. Typical example: non-nerd enjoys sports. Nerd dismisses them as artificial constructs designed to provide conflict as entertainment, and therefore doesn’t want to participate in the ritual. Another example: nerds will typically take most conversations towards arguments/debates; non-nerds will see conversation as a solidarity ritual and keep it’s flow more towards participant enjoyment.
Larger amounts of empathy. Non-nerdy friends seem more open to non-judgmental empathy. Nerds tend to dismiss someone’s pain simply because it’s part of a larger pattern. Example: non-nerdy friend says the condition of disabled people in India/China is very sad. Nerdy friend: yes, India/China have large populations and therefore life is cheap; and revels in his ability to “explain it away”. The conversation becomes stunted because the nerd has refused to participate in the “empathy-field” that the non-nerd wanted to generate.
Insufficient data for a meaningful answer. Query: do you refer only to empathy for large groups of distant people, or do you also suspect that nerds have less empathy for individuals in their social groups? It is not obvious that these would be related.
This hasn’t been my experience. There aren’t many people I consider good friends who aren’t somewhat nerdy (though some are non-STEM nerds—history, the arts, etc.), but their amount of nerdiness, intelligence and STEM interest don’t seem to correlate much with how emotional they are. And I’m not sure how I’d deal with being around people much more emotional than my friends are, even though I don’t think I’m someone who’se unusually bad at dealing with that, and I do usually enjoy when people share their feelings with me.
I wonder if going to a college where nerdiness is the norm is part of the reason for this? Maybe being cold has to do with being a minorty, rather than being nerds?
There could also be selection bias at work here—sharing feelings is one of the things that makes me think I’m friends with someone rather than acquaintances.
I would be very interested in hearing more about this—my set of friends has a decidedly nerdy bias. Am I missing out on some feelings?
Some examples follow (caveat: these are generalizations based on small data-sets and each rule has exceptions. But I feel they’re broadly true. Others, please support or contradict these ‘rules’).
My non-nerdy friends are more open to physical touch, such as hugging, playful touches during laughter, comforting touches and so on. Nerdy friends seem to restrict themselves to handshakes; some find even handshakes awkward.
More inclined to solidarity rituals. Typical example: non-nerd enjoys sports. Nerd dismisses them as artificial constructs designed to provide conflict as entertainment, and therefore doesn’t want to participate in the ritual. Another example: nerds will typically take most conversations towards arguments/debates; non-nerds will see conversation as a solidarity ritual and keep it’s flow more towards participant enjoyment.
Larger amounts of empathy. Non-nerdy friends seem more open to non-judgmental empathy. Nerds tend to dismiss someone’s pain simply because it’s part of a larger pattern. Example: non-nerdy friend says the condition of disabled people in India/China is very sad. Nerdy friend: yes, India/China have large populations and therefore life is cheap; and revels in his ability to “explain it away”. The conversation becomes stunted because the nerd has refused to participate in the “empathy-field” that the non-nerd wanted to generate.
My experience is exactly the reverse of this.
Agree.
Insufficient data for a meaningful answer. Query: do you refer only to empathy for large groups of distant people, or do you also suspect that nerds have less empathy for individuals in their social groups? It is not obvious that these would be related.
This hasn’t been my experience. There aren’t many people I consider good friends who aren’t somewhat nerdy (though some are non-STEM nerds—history, the arts, etc.), but their amount of nerdiness, intelligence and STEM interest don’t seem to correlate much with how emotional they are. And I’m not sure how I’d deal with being around people much more emotional than my friends are, even though I don’t think I’m someone who’se unusually bad at dealing with that, and I do usually enjoy when people share their feelings with me.
I wonder if going to a college where nerdiness is the norm is part of the reason for this? Maybe being cold has to do with being a minorty, rather than being nerds?
There could also be selection bias at work here—sharing feelings is one of the things that makes me think I’m friends with someone rather than acquaintances.