Replace “indomitability” with “perseverance”. First, “indomitability” is just too ugly. Especially if you went out of your way to use that word to avoid repeating “perseverance” twice in rapid succession, go back to your first inclination. There’s nothing wrong with repetition, there’s a lot wrong with using words that make your writing overwrought.
Opinions differ. I probably would’ve complained if I’d seen “perseverance” twice. Thesauruses are useful if one can’t come up with a good alternate word off the top of one’s head.
What would your complaint be? Imagine the following:
He approaches each problem as if it can be solved, trusting his perseverance. One technique that I’ve picked up for emulating this perseverance is to spend five solid minutes thinking.
How can this be any clearer? The second sentence refers back to a concept introduced in the first, and uses the same word. Perfect transparency. Reaching for one’s thesaurus in an attempt at stylistic embellishment will only do damage to the meaning. Meaning should always trump style. If you really needed a different word because you had a slightly different nuance of meaning in mind, that was also the word you wanted in the first sentence!
It is interesting that you in particular would say this, because I’ve heard that repeating a word is greatly frowned upon in French. (Ted Stanger, an American journalist who writes books in France, recounted how he was taught this by his editor, who apparently told him: “il faut trouver des synonymes”.)
Yes, that’s what I was taught. And like many such “rules” it’s often wrong, or at least with a great deal of exceptions and corner cases. I have very little time for editors who do their job with a checklist rather than with an eye, ear and mind for what will communicate most clearly.
(Disclaimer: my lifetime income from paid writing is a piddling sum, only a few thousand bucks. And, an iPad.).
I remember what you’re talking about. I think it’s during the Azkaban arc- there’s some wordplay about how warm!Harry is feeling particularly “domitable” right then, or something along those lines.
I would go with ‘determination’ myself, but frankly if you’re going to say ‘sidereal’ you may as well go ahead and use ‘indomitable’. (And who knows, the admissions officer might be an Exalted fan.)
Edit: You know, there’s probably a way to rework the sentence so ‘conscientiousness’ fits in there.
Overall I like this a lot. One nitpick:
Replace “indomitability” with “perseverance”. First, “indomitability” is just too ugly. Especially if you went out of your way to use that word to avoid repeating “perseverance” twice in rapid succession, go back to your first inclination. There’s nothing wrong with repetition, there’s a lot wrong with using words that make your writing overwrought.
Opinions differ. I probably would’ve complained if I’d seen “perseverance” twice. Thesauruses are useful if one can’t come up with a good alternate word off the top of one’s head.
What would your complaint be? Imagine the following:
How can this be any clearer? The second sentence refers back to a concept introduced in the first, and uses the same word. Perfect transparency. Reaching for one’s thesaurus in an attempt at stylistic embellishment will only do damage to the meaning. Meaning should always trump style. If you really needed a different word because you had a slightly different nuance of meaning in mind, that was also the word you wanted in the first sentence!
As long as you say “this”, it works.
It is interesting that you in particular would say this, because I’ve heard that repeating a word is greatly frowned upon in French. (Ted Stanger, an American journalist who writes books in France, recounted how he was taught this by his editor, who apparently told him: “il faut trouver des synonymes”.)
Yes, that’s what I was taught. And like many such “rules” it’s often wrong, or at least with a great deal of exceptions and corner cases. I have very little time for editors who do their job with a checklist rather than with an eye, ear and mind for what will communicate most clearly.
(Disclaimer: my lifetime income from paid writing is a piddling sum, only a few thousand bucks. And, an iPad.).
I actually chose it because Harry mentions his dark side’s “indomitability” at some point. How does tenacity sound though (or determination)?
I actually chose it because Harry mentions his dark side’s “indomitability” at some point. How does tenacity sound though (or determination)?
I remember what you’re talking about. I think it’s during the Azkaban arc- there’s some wordplay about how warm!Harry is feeling particularly “domitable” right then, or something along those lines.
I would go with ‘determination’ myself, but frankly if you’re going to say ‘sidereal’ you may as well go ahead and use ‘indomitable’. (And who knows, the admissions officer might be an Exalted fan.)
Edit: You know, there’s probably a way to rework the sentence so ‘conscientiousness’ fits in there.
I may switch out “sidereal” for “huge, luminous” but I wanted to get rid of “burning freezing.”
I’m getting rid of indomitability.