A general comment: while this isn’t necessarily your fault (since you are quite possibly doing exactly what is expected of you), the whole style of these things makes me cringe. Yours is unfortunately no different, despite being about MoR. It just screams “admissions essay”.
Instead of making students write an inevitably insincere-sounding essay in response to some contrived prompt, colleges ought to either simply ask applicants straightforward questions (and expect straightforward answers), or have them submit writing samples of the applicant’s own choice, the way it works in the grownup world.
This! I’m applying to college this year, and I hate admissions essays. They’re designed to reward signaling at the expense of substance even more than most things are. The admissions officers have no reason to believe that what I say is coming from my real personality, whether it is or not. I cringed while writing my own essays, and I know that my writing is worse quality when I don’t feel like I can communicate anything.
I’ve never heard of this “admissions essay” ritual before. Having just Googled for some sample essays, I agree that cringeworthiness is pretty much unavoidable and this essay does as well as can be hoped for on that score.
I wonder if there’s some way of making the ambition of the last section seem less crazy to a non-transhumanist by quoting Carl Sagan: “The sky calls to us. If we do not destroy ourselves, we will one day venture to the stars”.
I cringed while writing my own essays, and I know that my writing is worse quality when I don’t feel like I can communicate anything.
This, this, a thousand times this. Admissions essays were the most nail-bitingly painful thing I have ever written, and they always came out poorly written in addition to being substanceless drivel. Eventually I just gritted my teeth, wrote them, and then sent them off without worrying as much about quality as I normally would. I’m very happy the process is over.
In any case, best of luck with your admissions essays, Normal_Anomaly.
This! I’m applying to college this year, and I hate admissions essays. They’re designed to reward signaling at the expense of substance even more than most things are. The admissions officers have no reason to believe that what I say is coming from my real personality, whether it is or not. I cringed while writing my own essays, and I know that my writing is worse quality when I don’t feel like I can communicate anything.
I’ve never heard of this “admissions essay” ritual before. Having just Googled for some sample essays, I agree that cringeworthiness is pretty much unavoidable and this essay does as well as can be hoped for on that score.
I wonder if there’s some way of making the ambition of the last section seem less crazy to a non-transhumanist by quoting Carl Sagan: “The sky calls to us. If we do not destroy ourselves, we will one day venture to the stars”.
This, this, a thousand times this. Admissions essays were the most nail-bitingly painful thing I have ever written, and they always came out poorly written in addition to being substanceless drivel. Eventually I just gritted my teeth, wrote them, and then sent them off without worrying as much about quality as I normally would. I’m very happy the process is over.
In any case, best of luck with your admissions essays, Normal_Anomaly.