On of the most important things for therapy to work is to have an alliance between the client and the therapist. It’s important to have an agreement about where you want to go.
To me it seems like you have no idea where you want to go that’s more specific than “I don’t want to be depressed.”
While I’m not very sure that a therapist can or would be sufficiently subtle or insidious to modify me in a direction of which I do not approve, I’m worried that this is a possibility or that it is required in order to get any positive effects out of it.
To get positive effects you indeed have to allow change.
On the other hand everybody has the right to suffer as much as the want. You are allowed to have “being happy” not on top of your list of priorities.
To me it seems like you have no idea where you want to go that’s more specific than “I don’t want to be depressed.”
Well, yes, basically. I said as much to my psychotherapist as well.
To get positive effects you indeed have to allow change.
My question is, change in what? There’s little I can change about my beliefs that would improve my mood, aside from becoming implausibly optimistic about my future. Change in baseline happiness? For one, that seems genetically determined; for another, when I don’t get my heart broken I’m in a stable, content, neutral disposition, so it’s not that. Change in goals? I’ve considered that, but it’s just the kind of thing to make me more depressed, seeing as I’m not bloody asking for much if I want to have one relationship with a person of my choosing (a hypothetical someone in my future, not the lost cause I’ve been pursuing) in which nobody’s deceiving anybody; it feels a lot like admitting defeat.
On the other hand everybody has the right to suffer as much as the want. You are allowed to have “being happy” not on top of your list of priorities.
There’s little I can change about my beliefs that would improve my mood, aside from becoming implausibly optimistic about my future.
How do you think you know that? Maybe some of your beliefs or aliefs are causing wrong actions that are making you sad. From what you say elsewhere in your comment, it sounds like your depression is triggered by romantic failure, so changes to beliefs that help you relate to people better probably could improve your mood. In fact, your particular case of wanting “a relationship . . . in which nobody’s deceiving anybody” sounds like a good one for CBT. (Or rather for fixing with rationality-type changes in general, I don’t know enough about CBT vs. other therapies to really say.)
1) You have an idea about what to change about yourself. You go to a psychotherapist and tell him: “Hey, I want to change XYZ about myself.” Then the psychotherapist says: “I think that would be good for you, I think I can bring you there, let’s work together to get you there.”
2) You give up control and let the psychotherapist mold you. He will work on changing things about you he considers supoptimal. That requires trust and going into a vulnerable state.
There’s little I can change about my beliefs that would improve my mood, aside from becoming implausibly optimistic about my future.
I think that’s unlikely to be true. Most people hold a bunch of crappy beliefs. Maybe even aliefs.
I don’t get my heart broken I’m in a stable, content, neutral disposition, so it’s not that.
Generally antidepressants aren’t given out to get people over a breakup. How long ago did that event happen?
I’m not bloody asking for much if I want to have one relationship with a person of my choosing
That’s a goal where a therapist or relationship coach could help you develop in a positive direction.
If your present therapist isn’t up for that goal, you are open to search for a different one.
On of the most important things for therapy to work is to have an alliance between the client and the therapist. It’s important to have an agreement about where you want to go.
To me it seems like you have no idea where you want to go that’s more specific than “I don’t want to be depressed.”
To get positive effects you indeed have to allow change. On the other hand everybody has the right to suffer as much as the want. You are allowed to have “being happy” not on top of your list of priorities.
Well, yes, basically. I said as much to my psychotherapist as well.
My question is, change in what? There’s little I can change about my beliefs that would improve my mood, aside from becoming implausibly optimistic about my future. Change in baseline happiness? For one, that seems genetically determined; for another, when I don’t get my heart broken I’m in a stable, content, neutral disposition, so it’s not that. Change in goals? I’ve considered that, but it’s just the kind of thing to make me more depressed, seeing as I’m not bloody asking for much if I want to have one relationship with a person of my choosing (a hypothetical someone in my future, not the lost cause I’ve been pursuing) in which nobody’s deceiving anybody; it feels a lot like admitting defeat.
Please don’t.
How do you think you know that? Maybe some of your beliefs or aliefs are causing wrong actions that are making you sad. From what you say elsewhere in your comment, it sounds like your depression is triggered by romantic failure, so changes to beliefs that help you relate to people better probably could improve your mood. In fact, your particular case of wanting “a relationship . . . in which nobody’s deceiving anybody” sounds like a good one for CBT. (Or rather for fixing with rationality-type changes in general, I don’t know enough about CBT vs. other therapies to really say.)
There are basically two ways:
1) You have an idea about what to change about yourself. You go to a psychotherapist and tell him: “Hey, I want to change XYZ about myself.” Then the psychotherapist says: “I think that would be good for you, I think I can bring you there, let’s work together to get you there.”
2) You give up control and let the psychotherapist mold you. He will work on changing things about you he considers supoptimal. That requires trust and going into a vulnerable state.
I think that’s unlikely to be true. Most people hold a bunch of crappy beliefs. Maybe even aliefs.
Generally antidepressants aren’t given out to get people over a breakup. How long ago did that event happen?
That’s a goal where a therapist or relationship coach could help you develop in a positive direction. If your present therapist isn’t up for that goal, you are open to search for a different one.