in my experience the social factor plays a huge part in these addictive cycles
im part of a community with a lot of awareness of this overstimulation-addiction cycle. we do a lot of unglamorous things together (chop wood, butcher animals, cook together, ceremony) that make us feel alive and rich.
although when im on the spot (after all night of watching movies, stuffing myself with junk food, zoning out on the internet, ect.) and im feeling poor and wanting (oftentimes more chocolate, movies, hyperstimuli...) what i do with that socially makes or breaks it.
1.i can find someone who is susceptible to the same desires, or who feels bad for me, and we can play off each other. during the process I feel like I have some marginal power (after all, im manipulting the situation) but in the end im left with the same unsatisfied emptiness and painful mis-health (if not physical then at least social).
2.i can hide my behavior, and sneak away—ashamed because i know and i know others know that i can do better. oftentimes this is accompanied by anger, defensiveness and critical self-talk. i usually reach the worst states of physical mis-health this way, as i have nobody else to lord my self control over and act without inhibition and yet with the added stressor of shame.
i can stuff it and do the “good thing,” some ideal activity that makes me feel proud of myself (stimulated in another way?) usually this is done more by passively avoiding choosing to act on the impulse or not and something else coming up (someone asking a favor, for example) i feel big again—for a while—but once my self-esteem takes a hit from some setback im usually back to square one—craving -, and oftentimes the resentment i have about my passive going along fuels the above #2 choice.
and this is the one that seems so hard: i can just be up front about it with the people around me. and i can use discernment about who i talk to, choosing based on who has an understanding of these situations, and who would be empathetic (relate as someone who has similar predicaments, not “above it all”) and at the same time recognize that I do have a choice and am not a victim to the cravings. usually, when i do this—the dissipation of shame around the cravings and my “me, my, mine” feelings around others sort of go up in a poof, and the acceptance i find with my sharing partner gives me actual satisfaction and health. i feel belonging and can rest easy, not needing to do a “good thing” to make my “bad” cravings go away
when i live in a community that is even marginally-individualistic (private living quarters, individualized meals, private computers, nuclear couples, ect.) the temptation to isolate myself becomes waay more than when i’ve lived much more like our ancestors in tight knit clans (yes, i’ve had the privelage of living this way) where we all make our living together and someone disappearing/preoccupied would not just be noticed intellectually but noticed because there is one less person to butcher the animals, gather greens/rice, cook, gather wood, listen, share stories, ect.
in my experience the social factor plays a huge part in these addictive cycles
im part of a community with a lot of awareness of this overstimulation-addiction cycle. we do a lot of unglamorous things together (chop wood, butcher animals, cook together, ceremony) that make us feel alive and rich.
although when im on the spot (after all night of watching movies, stuffing myself with junk food, zoning out on the internet, ect.) and im feeling poor and wanting (oftentimes more chocolate, movies, hyperstimuli...) what i do with that socially makes or breaks it.
1.i can find someone who is susceptible to the same desires, or who feels bad for me, and we can play off each other. during the process I feel like I have some marginal power (after all, im manipulting the situation) but in the end im left with the same unsatisfied emptiness and painful mis-health (if not physical then at least social).
2.i can hide my behavior, and sneak away—ashamed because i know and i know others know that i can do better. oftentimes this is accompanied by anger, defensiveness and critical self-talk. i usually reach the worst states of physical mis-health this way, as i have nobody else to lord my self control over and act without inhibition and yet with the added stressor of shame.
i can stuff it and do the “good thing,” some ideal activity that makes me feel proud of myself (stimulated in another way?) usually this is done more by passively avoiding choosing to act on the impulse or not and something else coming up (someone asking a favor, for example) i feel big again—for a while—but once my self-esteem takes a hit from some setback im usually back to square one—craving -, and oftentimes the resentment i have about my passive going along fuels the above #2 choice.
and this is the one that seems so hard: i can just be up front about it with the people around me. and i can use discernment about who i talk to, choosing based on who has an understanding of these situations, and who would be empathetic (relate as someone who has similar predicaments, not “above it all”) and at the same time recognize that I do have a choice and am not a victim to the cravings. usually, when i do this—the dissipation of shame around the cravings and my “me, my, mine” feelings around others sort of go up in a poof, and the acceptance i find with my sharing partner gives me actual satisfaction and health. i feel belonging and can rest easy, not needing to do a “good thing” to make my “bad” cravings go away
when i live in a community that is even marginally-individualistic (private living quarters, individualized meals, private computers, nuclear couples, ect.) the temptation to isolate myself becomes waay more than when i’ve lived much more like our ancestors in tight knit clans (yes, i’ve had the privelage of living this way) where we all make our living together and someone disappearing/preoccupied would not just be noticed intellectually but noticed because there is one less person to butcher the animals, gather greens/rice, cook, gather wood, listen, share stories, ect.