Punishing for non-punishment is an essential dynamic for preserving some social hierarchies, at least in schoolyards and in Nazi Germany.
Abby was just telling me this afternoon that psychologists today believe that when kids are picked on in school, it’s their own fault—either they are too shy, or they are bullies. (There is a belief that bullies are picked on in school, something I never saw evidence of in my school days except when it was me doing the picking-on.)
My theory is that the purpose of picking on kids in school is not to have effects on the kid picked on, but to warn everyone else that they will be picked on if they fail to conform. A kid is thus likely to be picked on if they don’t respond to social pressures. Thus the advice that every parent gives their children, “Just ignore them if they pick on you,” is the worst possible advice. Fight back, or conform; failing to respond requires them to make an example of you and does not impose any cost on them for doing so.
Wolves have a very strict social hierarchy, but I’ve never noticed evidence of punishment for a failure to punish. So this behavior isn’t necessary.
The theory is that bullies are often in the middle of a bullying hierarchy. For example, when I was in high school, one of my friends was harassed by seniors when he was a freshman. When he became a senior himself, he, in turn, harassed freshmen, saying that he was going to give as good as he got.
From what I’ve read, in high school at least, bullies tend to be those in the middle of the social hierarchy; those at the top (the most popular) are secure in their position and can afford to be nice, while those who are at risk for backsliding work hard at making sure there is at least one person who is a more tempting victim than they are.
Well, as a kid I got bullied at school, quite a bit, and I DO remember bullying other a handful of times.
I remember being conscious about it and feeling like shit for it, but at the same time being so relieved because as long as someone else was being bullied, I wasn’t.
I certainly did not enjoy it, mainly because it contradicted my vision of myself as a courageous victim.
Punishing for non-punishment is an essential dynamic for preserving some social hierarchies, at least in schoolyards and in Nazi Germany.
Abby was just telling me this afternoon that psychologists today believe that when kids are picked on in school, it’s their own fault—either they are too shy, or they are bullies. (There is a belief that bullies are picked on in school, something I never saw evidence of in my school days except when it was me doing the picking-on.)
My theory is that the purpose of picking on kids in school is not to have effects on the kid picked on, but to warn everyone else that they will be picked on if they fail to conform. A kid is thus likely to be picked on if they don’t respond to social pressures. Thus the advice that every parent gives their children, “Just ignore them if they pick on you,” is the worst possible advice. Fight back, or conform; failing to respond requires them to make an example of you and does not impose any cost on them for doing so.
Wolves have a very strict social hierarchy, but I’ve never noticed evidence of punishment for a failure to punish. So this behavior isn’t necessary.
The theory is that bullies are often in the middle of a bullying hierarchy. For example, when I was in high school, one of my friends was harassed by seniors when he was a freshman. When he became a senior himself, he, in turn, harassed freshmen, saying that he was going to give as good as he got.
From what I’ve read, in high school at least, bullies tend to be those in the middle of the social hierarchy; those at the top (the most popular) are secure in their position and can afford to be nice, while those who are at risk for backsliding work hard at making sure there is at least one person who is a more tempting victim than they are.
Seem to be assuming there is a higher purpose for bullying, which seems to be making a mistake along the same lines as the parable of group selection.
Possibly bullies bully because they enjoy it and aren’t stopped from doing so. What additional explanation is needed?
Well, as a kid I got bullied at school, quite a bit, and I DO remember bullying other a handful of times.
I remember being conscious about it and feeling like shit for it, but at the same time being so relieved because as long as someone else was being bullied, I wasn’t.
I certainly did not enjoy it, mainly because it contradicted my vision of myself as a courageous victim.