And the comment seems to have gotten lost along the way, so I am taking the liberty of reproducing it for the sake of future readers:
What work is the word “really” actually doing here? ISTM that it refers to an implied assessment of typicality, in which case the actual question these folks are trying to ask is “Am I a typical [insert gender category here]?” And of course, it’s quite sensible to answer “no” to this question, no matter what gender we’re even talking about in the first place! The person is most likely not a typical male or female, for what it’s worth—and any other question about their gender is probably highly confused. But this point of view has at least the undeniable benefit of quickly dissolving the potential feedback/resonance between “typicality judgments” and “gender judgments”, simply by acknowledging the “typicality judgment” as such.
This is an excellent summary of my argument! Thank you so much for compressing this into a soundbite!
And the comment seems to have gotten lost along the way, so I am taking the liberty of reproducing it for the sake of future readers: