I meant, borrowing your words, are you consumed with a driving ambition or devotion to achieving the uttermost limits of what you could achieve or become, utilizing the maximum of your potential to impact the world? Are you always striving for something you don’t have; wishing to be more than you are in every possible sense of the word… including the efficacy with which you strive for more?
I meant, borrowing your words, are you consumed with a driving ambition or devotion to achieving the uttermost limits of what you could achieve or become, utilizing the maximum of your potential to impact the world? Are you always striving for something you don’t have; wishing to be more than you are in every possible sense of the word… including the efficacy with which you strive for more?
Not as much as I should be.
And if so, what are you doing about it?
1) Completely overhauling my professional capacity and career-path. In the last two years I’ve changed tracks to the point where my income has doubled year-over-year from that point, and am set to another ‘doubling’.
2) I am systematically seeking out those areas where I am most deficient and am seeking means to bypass, exploit, or otherwise mitigate or account for those deficiencies. I have had setbacks and failures across the board, but I do not allow them to stop me. I have had a total collapse of my professional, personal, social, and romantic lives/livelihoods on more than one occassion, and in each instance I’ve “dusted myself off and picked back up again” as it were. I’m currently working on how to rebuild my social life (as it is utterly lacking) but I suspect that once my fiscal situation becomes stabilized at the newly higher point I’ll have more attentional reserves available to dedicate to this. Another area I am constantly lacking in since my teen years is my physical excellence and dietary habits. I don’t have the cognitive/attentional reserves to address the exercise regimen just yet, but that’s coming. The diet I also am working on; exposing myself to new foods and food combinations in order to expand my pallatte (as an autist this is an exceptional challenge for me in ways that are non-obvious.)
None of these things are, to be quite frank, particularly pleasant. I typically can’t stand people for example; and though I have been told time and again I make an “excellent” host/guest/conversationalist/party-goer… it’s physically exhausting to me (this is related to cognitive deficiencies on my part; I am unable to ‘filter’ out things and must consciously assign attentional levels to all things around me—try staying perfectly alert in complex settings for, say, an hour or two and you’ll get why being around groups of people is exhausting to me.). Despite this I have raised that as a priority on my regimen because being able to cause compliance in people without their perceiving it as duress is useful. This is also why I’ve been teaching myself how to code; and why I also pay attention to any manner of topics.
I could keep going down the list, but that about summarizes it.
Have you read Mountains Beyond Mountains by Tracy Kidder? It’s a non-fiction book recording the story of Dr. Paul Farmer, a tremendously benevolent epidemiologist that shares your worldview, does all he can to medically assist the poor (specifically, the Haitian poor), and still cannot meet the standards he sets himself. However, Kidder’s depictions of Farmer’s personality portray him as a happy man. Perhaps the book will be of some help, if you indeed have not yet read it.
However, Kidder’s depictions of Farmer’s personality portray him as a happy man. Perhaps the book will be of some help, if you indeed have not yet read it.
I’m quite certain that the vast majority of people who ever encountered me in meatspace would make the mistake of thinking that I am a happy person. I laugh, I smile, I go through all of the motions. I am upbeat and concerned with the wellbeing of others. I am patient to a fault, and nigh unto never show any signs of any kind of being foul-mannered or intemperate.
Those who know me when I am … myself—know a very different person. They are few.
This is still in line with Kidder’s depiction of Farmer. In one scene, Farmer has dinner with two close colleagues with whom he’s worked a long time. Kidder has been invited by Farmer, but compared to his usual, jovial self, Farmer blows up at one of his colleagues and beleaguers the colleague on how they are not serving the people who need them most (poor people) first. Kidder, shocked at how Farmer so blatantly torments and manipulates his colleague into capitulating to Farmer’s wishes, asks the other colleague whether this is normal. She responds, “You think that was bad? What he was doing to Jim was nothing. On a a scale of one to ten, that was about a five.”
Regardless, the book both educates and entertains; I recommend at least checking it out.
What are you doing about it?
That question segfaults in my parser.
I meant, borrowing your words, are you consumed with a driving ambition or devotion to achieving the uttermost limits of what you could achieve or become, utilizing the maximum of your potential to impact the world? Are you always striving for something you don’t have; wishing to be more than you are in every possible sense of the word… including the efficacy with which you strive for more?
And if so, what are you doing about it?
Not as much as I should be.
1) Completely overhauling my professional capacity and career-path. In the last two years I’ve changed tracks to the point where my income has doubled year-over-year from that point, and am set to another ‘doubling’.
2) I am systematically seeking out those areas where I am most deficient and am seeking means to bypass, exploit, or otherwise mitigate or account for those deficiencies. I have had setbacks and failures across the board, but I do not allow them to stop me. I have had a total collapse of my professional, personal, social, and romantic lives/livelihoods on more than one occassion, and in each instance I’ve “dusted myself off and picked back up again” as it were. I’m currently working on how to rebuild my social life (as it is utterly lacking) but I suspect that once my fiscal situation becomes stabilized at the newly higher point I’ll have more attentional reserves available to dedicate to this. Another area I am constantly lacking in since my teen years is my physical excellence and dietary habits. I don’t have the cognitive/attentional reserves to address the exercise regimen just yet, but that’s coming. The diet I also am working on; exposing myself to new foods and food combinations in order to expand my pallatte (as an autist this is an exceptional challenge for me in ways that are non-obvious.)
None of these things are, to be quite frank, particularly pleasant. I typically can’t stand people for example; and though I have been told time and again I make an “excellent” host/guest/conversationalist/party-goer… it’s physically exhausting to me (this is related to cognitive deficiencies on my part; I am unable to ‘filter’ out things and must consciously assign attentional levels to all things around me—try staying perfectly alert in complex settings for, say, an hour or two and you’ll get why being around groups of people is exhausting to me.). Despite this I have raised that as a priority on my regimen because being able to cause compliance in people without their perceiving it as duress is useful. This is also why I’ve been teaching myself how to code; and why I also pay attention to any manner of topics.
I could keep going down the list, but that about summarizes it.
Sounds like the right track.
To answer your earlier question:
Pretty much. I’d rather do what I want than pursue fuzzies. The cake is a lie.
Have you read Mountains Beyond Mountains by Tracy Kidder? It’s a non-fiction book recording the story of Dr. Paul Farmer, a tremendously benevolent epidemiologist that shares your worldview, does all he can to medically assist the poor (specifically, the Haitian poor), and still cannot meet the standards he sets himself. However, Kidder’s depictions of Farmer’s personality portray him as a happy man. Perhaps the book will be of some help, if you indeed have not yet read it.
I’m quite certain that the vast majority of people who ever encountered me in meatspace would make the mistake of thinking that I am a happy person. I laugh, I smile, I go through all of the motions. I am upbeat and concerned with the wellbeing of others. I am patient to a fault, and nigh unto never show any signs of any kind of being foul-mannered or intemperate.
Those who know me when I am … myself—know a very different person. They are few.
This is still in line with Kidder’s depiction of Farmer. In one scene, Farmer has dinner with two close colleagues with whom he’s worked a long time. Kidder has been invited by Farmer, but compared to his usual, jovial self, Farmer blows up at one of his colleagues and beleaguers the colleague on how they are not serving the people who need them most (poor people) first. Kidder, shocked at how Farmer so blatantly torments and manipulates his colleague into capitulating to Farmer’s wishes, asks the other colleague whether this is normal. She responds, “You think that was bad? What he was doing to Jim was nothing. On a a scale of one to ten, that was about a five.”
Regardless, the book both educates and entertains; I recommend at least checking it out.