One of the reasons I have not tried social dancing is because I think I would be expected to touch strangers. I would like to go with someone I know and just dance with them, to see if I like the dancing itself, and I might or might not become more comfortable later; but I’m pretty sure I would be subjected to smarmy encouragement, cannot-take-a-hint repeated inquiries, or stern norm-announcing about that. So I don’t go at all.
Expected to touch strangers, probably. But it is not uncommon for couples to go dancing and not dance with anyone else (if my wife and I had our way, thats probably what we would do). Though in the application of a lesson, not practicing with other people makes it more difficult to learn, however I have been to lessons where half the room rotates partners and the other half does not. However know that “not comfortable touching strangers” is a good reason to say “no”.
In practice, if you went dancing with a friend (who presumably would not only dance with you) you can always say, “I’m sitting out this song” if asked and if they “say what about the next?”, you can say “I’ve already said I would dance the next one with my friend.”(probably not really a lie if you plan on only dancing with them) The vast majority of the dancers that I know are really nice and understanding, the vast majority of the minor that are not are “superstars”, at least in their mind, and would not ask a newbie in a million songs, so the fraction of people who would ask a newbie to dance that are not nice and understanding is really small.
Besides, if you are new, everyone will know(it is usually pretty obvious) and not expect you to know the taboo. It is more of a taboo of saying “no” because “you are not good enough to dance with me”. And it is definitely not an announced policy, just part of the culture you absorb via osmosis that I have discuss a handful of times with (for lack of a better term) “high-level” members of the scene.
As for smarmy encouragement: smarmy is subjective but there will be coddling in any scene that values new comers, I say soak it up, because when you get good enough to not need it anymore, it goes away.
A solution? Go out dancing, after a short period of time it will all be moot. Either you like dancing enough to touch strangers, they will quickly cease to be strangers, or you will be known as the couple that doesn’t dance with anyone else (those do exist) and no one will ask you anymore. Or I guess you could also find out that you don’t like dancing, in which case it is also moot.
Admittedly, I am biased on the subject of the merits of dancing, but I encourage almost everyone to get into it, I know many people whose lives were changed for the better by dancing and none that I can says whose lives were destroyed by it.
One of the reasons I have not tried social dancing is because I think I would be expected to touch strangers. I would like to go with someone I know and just dance with them, to see if I like the dancing itself, and I might or might not become more comfortable later; but I’m pretty sure I would be subjected to smarmy encouragement, cannot-take-a-hint repeated inquiries, or stern norm-announcing about that. So I don’t go at all.
Is there a solution to this problem?
Expected to touch strangers, probably. But it is not uncommon for couples to go dancing and not dance with anyone else (if my wife and I had our way, thats probably what we would do). Though in the application of a lesson, not practicing with other people makes it more difficult to learn, however I have been to lessons where half the room rotates partners and the other half does not. However know that “not comfortable touching strangers” is a good reason to say “no”.
In practice, if you went dancing with a friend (who presumably would not only dance with you) you can always say, “I’m sitting out this song” if asked and if they “say what about the next?”, you can say “I’ve already said I would dance the next one with my friend.”(probably not really a lie if you plan on only dancing with them) The vast majority of the dancers that I know are really nice and understanding, the vast majority of the minor that are not are “superstars”, at least in their mind, and would not ask a newbie in a million songs, so the fraction of people who would ask a newbie to dance that are not nice and understanding is really small.
Besides, if you are new, everyone will know(it is usually pretty obvious) and not expect you to know the taboo. It is more of a taboo of saying “no” because “you are not good enough to dance with me”. And it is definitely not an announced policy, just part of the culture you absorb via osmosis that I have discuss a handful of times with (for lack of a better term) “high-level” members of the scene.
As for smarmy encouragement: smarmy is subjective but there will be coddling in any scene that values new comers, I say soak it up, because when you get good enough to not need it anymore, it goes away.
A solution? Go out dancing, after a short period of time it will all be moot. Either you like dancing enough to touch strangers, they will quickly cease to be strangers, or you will be known as the couple that doesn’t dance with anyone else (those do exist) and no one will ask you anymore. Or I guess you could also find out that you don’t like dancing, in which case it is also moot.
Admittedly, I am biased on the subject of the merits of dancing, but I encourage almost everyone to get into it, I know many people whose lives were changed for the better by dancing and none that I can says whose lives were destroyed by it.