Instead of flatly offloading responsibility the “throw me out whenever” way, invite the other person to discuss the modalities of the question together, by e.g. raising the question of when you should leave and then figuring out together what factors this depends on and how you want to make that decision
This fails the sniff test of “bad moods as a fragility test for social norms”. You critique Ask Culture for responsibility offloading, but ignore its upside—much greater computational kindness than “inviting the other person to discuss the modalities of the question together”. The primary characteristic of a bad mood (I’m using this term for “normal” bad moods like hungover, tired, caffeine crash) is lowered computational capacity.
I wonder if Responsibility Offloading and Computational Kindness can be thought of as a position/velocity tradeoff; i.e, that one can not perfectly have the one without losing the other.
This fails the sniff test of “bad moods as a fragility test for social norms”. You critique Ask Culture for responsibility offloading, but ignore its upside—much greater computational kindness than “inviting the other person to discuss the modalities of the question together”. The primary characteristic of a bad mood (I’m using this term for “normal” bad moods like hungover, tired, caffeine crash) is lowered computational capacity.
I wonder if Responsibility Offloading and Computational Kindness can be thought of as a position/velocity tradeoff; i.e, that one can not perfectly have the one without losing the other.
Yeah, that was my first reaction to that section as well.
Most people are not remotely open to having an unsolicited in-depth discussion of their politeness algorithm at the end of a hangout.
On the other hand, “What time do you want me to leave? Maybe 8pm?” works fine in my experience, for reasons the post covers well.