This is an awesome response and extension, although it doesn’t invalidate the point that we should learn what signals our words will give and choose them consciously. It’s basically always better to understand and use the subtext. Whether using it to make sure you don’t accidentally press the emotional buttons of a good-willed collaborator, or understanding when others are using it to exploit you.
In my experience, relentless politeness + authenticity (don’t give up your basic point, but phrase it very nicely) is a great help at defeating setups. In the presentation case, sure, the questioner has upgraded the idea. But he has still pointed out it’s core flaw! A less adept questioner might either a) not question at all, knowing that it looks like a rude challenge, or b) question rudely because he doesn’t know how to be polite. Either one of which would make it more likely for the bad idea to pass unchallenged.
The key is authenticity: politeness shouldn’t stop you from putting the knife into something that should die, it should just make it so smooth that it hurts the minimum and shows everyone that you are acting in the common interest. It’s an empowering tool so that you can play the game of fighting back against bad gaming without looking like a gamer or a fighter.
Anyway, I have a sunny disposition so I don’t share your negative framing of this, but your meta-point about how others can use these rules for evil and/or selfishness is great (although maybe at too high a level of Slytherin to be really useful to most LWers).
This is an awesome response and extension, although it doesn’t invalidate the point that we should learn what signals our words will give and choose them consciously. It’s basically always better to understand and use the subtext. Whether using it to make sure you don’t accidentally press the emotional buttons of a good-willed collaborator, or understanding when others are using it to exploit you.
In my experience, relentless politeness + authenticity (don’t give up your basic point, but phrase it very nicely) is a great help at defeating setups. In the presentation case, sure, the questioner has upgraded the idea. But he has still pointed out it’s core flaw! A less adept questioner might either a) not question at all, knowing that it looks like a rude challenge, or b) question rudely because he doesn’t know how to be polite. Either one of which would make it more likely for the bad idea to pass unchallenged.
The key is authenticity: politeness shouldn’t stop you from putting the knife into something that should die, it should just make it so smooth that it hurts the minimum and shows everyone that you are acting in the common interest. It’s an empowering tool so that you can play the game of fighting back against bad gaming without looking like a gamer or a fighter.
Anyway, I have a sunny disposition so I don’t share your negative framing of this, but your meta-point about how others can use these rules for evil and/or selfishness is great (although maybe at too high a level of Slytherin to be really useful to most LWers).