Excellent point.
Something I’ve observed is that one’s ability to deal with frank, no bullshit criticism is highly context dependent, and well approximated by the magnitude of the bayesian update it requires to the status of those involved.
I find myself perfectly willing to give and receive sentences like ‘here’s why that’s bullshit’, from colleagues of roughly equal social status. I’ve noticed that the few other people I can do that with share with me a fair amount of confidence in their own intelligence. I don’t have to revise my social status relative to theirs if I correct them or they correct me.
If however a superior who’s opinion of me I’m not sure of corrects me, my stomach falls out.
It’s not just that other’s have different values, or are less focused on truth seeking. It’s also that they may be occupying a different, more vulnerable position in the game. Imagine a very attractive person tells you that you have the seductive prowess of a pug in heat. You’d take it harder than they would.
I’ve also noticed since I started trying to modify my interactions with people, that they’ve begun voicing more of their opnions to me. They used to avoid doing that out of intimidation (or so I’d been told several times).
Trying to prove yourself the smartest kid in the class is a childish goal. It’s something we all have to let go of sooner or later if we want to be effective.
Excellent point. Something I’ve observed is that one’s ability to deal with frank, no bullshit criticism is highly context dependent, and well approximated by the magnitude of the bayesian update it requires to the status of those involved.
I find myself perfectly willing to give and receive sentences like ‘here’s why that’s bullshit’, from colleagues of roughly equal social status. I’ve noticed that the few other people I can do that with share with me a fair amount of confidence in their own intelligence. I don’t have to revise my social status relative to theirs if I correct them or they correct me.
If however a superior who’s opinion of me I’m not sure of corrects me, my stomach falls out.
It’s not just that other’s have different values, or are less focused on truth seeking. It’s also that they may be occupying a different, more vulnerable position in the game. Imagine a very attractive person tells you that you have the seductive prowess of a pug in heat. You’d take it harder than they would.
I’ve also noticed since I started trying to modify my interactions with people, that they’ve begun voicing more of their opnions to me. They used to avoid doing that out of intimidation (or so I’d been told several times).
Trying to prove yourself the smartest kid in the class is a childish goal. It’s something we all have to let go of sooner or later if we want to be effective.