if all they have to say that’s nice about the post is a stock phrase that could be equally well applied to any original text, I’d prefer they skip it.
What I find interesting about this is that you’re basically saying that their signal isn’t costly enough to make you feel good. I wonder if that’s the essence of the conflict under normal circumstances, i.e., by being direct (and thus not paying the additional costs of being polite) you are signaling that you do not value your audience as alliance partners very much, or that you are so far above them as to not need to make an investment in pleasing them.
Perhaps us geeky types simply prefer our costly signaling to be in the form of someone actually having thought about what we said. ;-)
What I find interesting about this is that you’re basically saying that their signal isn’t costly enough to make you feel good.
It’s not about the effort or cost, as if I expect people to be more honest when they are using more resources. The problem is that the same stock phrase could be said of anything, because it is vague and difficult to interpret at lower levels of abstraction where its truth value could be evaluated. Writing a sonnet in general praise of insights would not be nearly as valuable as identifying a single specfic insight and why it is useful, though it would be a costlier signal.
Agreed that this is part of it, but I think there’s more to it.
Yes, one thing that makes a compliment rewarding is the implication that someone considers me worth devoting effort to establishing a social bond with, and the degree of effort they devote to it (either in the form of time spent thinking carefully, or of time spent paying attention, or of time spent earning resources to gift to me, or whatever) is a big component of that. Absolutely.
But also, it’s rewarding to contrast myself positively with my surroundings… to reflect on my superiority in whatever areas I feel superior in. And the more detailed and specific that contrast, the better. And if I’ve internalized the idea that “tooting my own horn” in this way is a Bad Thing, then it’s even more rewarding if someone else does it.
And, also, my perception of the status of the person of the person making the effort is an important component. In a forum like this where perceived status is tied to perceptiveness/intelligence/etc., a compliment that demonstrates perception and intelligence is therefore more rewarding than one that doesn’t.
if all they have to say that’s nice about the post is a stock phrase that could be equally well applied to any original text, I’d prefer they skip it.
What I find interesting about this is that you’re basically saying that their signal isn’t costly enough to make you feel good.
This is something that seems to apply more generally when complimenting. Direct praise seems cheap, at best a signal of supplication. It is often better to identify something that the person does and express approval of that activity in general, and hence compliment their identity.
What I find interesting about this is that you’re basically saying that their signal isn’t costly enough to make you feel good. I wonder if that’s the essence of the conflict under normal circumstances, i.e., by being direct (and thus not paying the additional costs of being polite) you are signaling that you do not value your audience as alliance partners very much, or that you are so far above them as to not need to make an investment in pleasing them.
Perhaps us geeky types simply prefer our costly signaling to be in the form of someone actually having thought about what we said. ;-)
It’s not about the effort or cost, as if I expect people to be more honest when they are using more resources. The problem is that the same stock phrase could be said of anything, because it is vague and difficult to interpret at lower levels of abstraction where its truth value could be evaluated. Writing a sonnet in general praise of insights would not be nearly as valuable as identifying a single specfic insight and why it is useful, though it would be a costlier signal.
Agreed that this is part of it, but I think there’s more to it.
Yes, one thing that makes a compliment rewarding is the implication that someone considers me worth devoting effort to establishing a social bond with, and the degree of effort they devote to it (either in the form of time spent thinking carefully, or of time spent paying attention, or of time spent earning resources to gift to me, or whatever) is a big component of that. Absolutely.
But also, it’s rewarding to contrast myself positively with my surroundings… to reflect on my superiority in whatever areas I feel superior in. And the more detailed and specific that contrast, the better. And if I’ve internalized the idea that “tooting my own horn” in this way is a Bad Thing, then it’s even more rewarding if someone else does it.
And, also, my perception of the status of the person of the person making the effort is an important component. In a forum like this where perceived status is tied to perceptiveness/intelligence/etc., a compliment that demonstrates perception and intelligence is therefore more rewarding than one that doesn’t.
This is something that seems to apply more generally when complimenting. Direct praise seems cheap, at best a signal of supplication. It is often better to identify something that the person does and express approval of that activity in general, and hence compliment their identity.