But I’m surprised it actually results in a strong negative emotion from you—“sets your teeth on edge.”
Honestly, I’m not sure why.
I don’t want to beat a dead horse, but I think I can explain this for you.
It sets her teeth on edge because it’s condescending and dismissive. Specifically, with the line “So, are you surprised that it’s commonly offered advice” you’re adopting a professorial tone—purporting to teach Alicorn something she may find surprising about the expert consensus on the subject, with which she is presumed to be unfamiliar. So right from the beginning she’s going to react by feeling insulted, because you’re “talking down” to her.
A way of making the exact same point without adopting the condescending tone would have been simply to say, “I offered that advice because I read it in How to Win Friends and Influence People and in [a few other sources].” If you proceeded to give direct quotes, that would be even better, because then Alicorn could judge for herself whether you’re accurately representing what you judge to be expert consensus (and whether or not she accepts your sources as expert). By asserting yourself as the expert you’re making a subtle attack on Alicorn’s status, whether you mean to or not.
You compound this insult when you dismiss Alicorn’s criticism as “guessing” and when you suggest that your advice will change her life—because you’re implying that she’s struggling with social interactions now. In fact Alicorn’s writings would indicate that her experience in mastering social niceties is at least equal to yours, and you should be addressing her as a peer rather than adopting this tone of superior wisdom.
The above is much more a matter of tone rather than substance, but your reply is also annoying because you’re only re-iterating your initial claims rather than engaging with the specifics of Alicorn’s criticism. As it happens, an example of a better reply is this one, from you, which addresses what Alicorn actually said in a perfectly nice and reasonable way.
Again, I’m sorry if this seems to be just “piling on.” You expressed a confusion (that I assume to be sincere) about why your writing provoked a strong negative emotion from Alicorn, and even though I’m not Alicorn I thought I could explain it to you. I hope she’ll correct me if she disagrees with my analysis.
I don’t want to beat a dead horse, but I think I can explain this for you.
It sets her teeth on edge because it’s condescending and dismissive. Specifically, with the line “So, are you surprised that it’s commonly offered advice” you’re adopting a professorial tone—purporting to teach Alicorn something she may find surprising about the expert consensus on the subject, with which she is presumed to be unfamiliar. So right from the beginning she’s going to react by feeling insulted, because you’re “talking down” to her.
A way of making the exact same point without adopting the condescending tone would have been simply to say, “I offered that advice because I read it in How to Win Friends and Influence People and in [a few other sources].” If you proceeded to give direct quotes, that would be even better, because then Alicorn could judge for herself whether you’re accurately representing what you judge to be expert consensus (and whether or not she accepts your sources as expert). By asserting yourself as the expert you’re making a subtle attack on Alicorn’s status, whether you mean to or not.
You compound this insult when you dismiss Alicorn’s criticism as “guessing” and when you suggest that your advice will change her life—because you’re implying that she’s struggling with social interactions now. In fact Alicorn’s writings would indicate that her experience in mastering social niceties is at least equal to yours, and you should be addressing her as a peer rather than adopting this tone of superior wisdom.
The above is much more a matter of tone rather than substance, but your reply is also annoying because you’re only re-iterating your initial claims rather than engaging with the specifics of Alicorn’s criticism. As it happens, an example of a better reply is this one, from you, which addresses what Alicorn actually said in a perfectly nice and reasonable way.
Again, I’m sorry if this seems to be just “piling on.” You expressed a confusion (that I assume to be sincere) about why your writing provoked a strong negative emotion from Alicorn, and even though I’m not Alicorn I thought I could explain it to you. I hope she’ll correct me if she disagrees with my analysis.
You did a fine job :)