Books are useful for many things, but this area is best learn by doing. Find a master and become her apprentice for a time. You will not become a natural, but can get passable. And also meet many more people you otherwise wouldn’t. And yes, learn active listening. It’s pretty formulaic (listen, imagine how they feel, recap what they said in your own words, express anything positive you feel, ask an open-ended question, repeat), yet rare enough to get quick results.
Are there that many social skills mentors who take on students for that to be a more realistic course of action than finding books? Wouldn’t you need solid social skills to convince one to mentor you in the first place?
There are different kinds of social skills. If your social skill situation is so that you appear to everyone like an asshole, it will be hard to find someone to mentor you. If you however seem like a nice guy who wants the best but has no charisma and is willing to learn, there’s no barrier to finding someone to help you.
I second that having a mentor is very valuable, especially if they’re able to observe you in social situations and provide feedback. Mentors point out blindspots which can be very hard to notice yourself.
OTOH, sometimes the theory in books really helps, especially if you’re a theory-driven learner like me.
Not easy to do, necessarily, but managers are often both incentivized and well-positioned to do this since your overall workplace performance matters to them and they can observe you interact with others. This is where I got the most mentoring.
As a uni student just finishing the second of what may be six years, I think I’m a ways away from having a manager or boss to go to for this (and most of my work/income is not in any kind of office/workplace).
Books are useful for many things, but this area is best learn by doing. Find a master and become her apprentice for a time. You will not become a natural, but can get passable. And also meet many more people you otherwise wouldn’t. And yes, learn active listening. It’s pretty formulaic (listen, imagine how they feel, recap what they said in your own words, express anything positive you feel, ask an open-ended question, repeat), yet rare enough to get quick results.
Are there that many social skills mentors who take on students for that to be a more realistic course of action than finding books? Wouldn’t you need solid social skills to convince one to mentor you in the first place?
There are different kinds of social skills. If your social skill situation is so that you appear to everyone like an asshole, it will be hard to find someone to mentor you. If you however seem like a nice guy who wants the best but has no charisma and is willing to learn, there’s no barrier to finding someone to help you.
I second that having a mentor is very valuable, especially if they’re able to observe you in social situations and provide feedback. Mentors point out blindspots which can be very hard to notice yourself.
OTOH, sometimes the theory in books really helps, especially if you’re a theory-driven learner like me.
I wouldn’t even know where to start in looking for a mentor. Any suggestions?
Not easy to do, necessarily, but managers are often both incentivized and well-positioned to do this since your overall workplace performance matters to them and they can observe you interact with others. This is where I got the most mentoring.
As a uni student just finishing the second of what may be six years, I think I’m a ways away from having a manager or boss to go to for this (and most of my work/income is not in any kind of office/workplace).