This is fascinating and I wish more people would describe experiences like this in terms of familiar metaphors like key-framing instead of metaphors which only make sense to other accomplished meditators.
Maybe it’s just the writer in me, but I feel that any subjective experience can be communicated.
What is the difference between knowing consciously that identity is an illusion and intuitively feeling that identity is an illusion? I became a good reductionist long ago, but I still feel my own identity. I’m not sure if I would want to lose it.
I’m glad you liked the key-frame metaphor. I’m planning on writing a proper article about these experiences and developing a coherent language that makes sense to other physical algorithms trying to experience themselves as such. However I feel that I need to meditate a little longer to make sure I’m not making up too much nonsense.
The main difference between knowing that the self is an illusion and feeling it as such is control of the self-alief. Even without getting into a meditative state I can steer my experience from the habitual one that I use to socialize and become a flow of information between different conscious and semi-conscious modules. I cannot fully eliminate the experience of my habitual identity but I can see it jump between different modalities while still claiming to be the same agent that it was before jumping. It’s hard to believe in an unified self when you can see that the self-experience is just a way for the mind to control itself.
The disbelief becomes even stronger in meditation when the identity is simply not there even though the mind is clearly experiencing something and recording memories.
Losing your identity is not so bad. You can still keep it and be your habitual self whenever the wish to do so arises. This whole thing is pretty great but I still advice making sure that you really want to do this. There is hardly any way of going back.
Let me address some fears associated with losing oneself:
I could no longer feel happiness for myself!
There is great joy in becoming the experience of happiness itself. Bliss needs no target to feel good.
I could no longer feel pain! Life is meaningless without contrasts.
Just as there is joy there is pain. It simply has less chance of sticking anywhere because the sufferer can be toned down at will. To find meaning I recommend focusing on the pain of others and having compassion. They are made of the same bits as you are and there is no fundamental separation. (Compassion is not strictly required if it feels too touchy-feely but where’s the harm if done in moderation.)
I have done great things and all my achievements will be nulled if I disappear!
The autobiographical self won’t disappear but the memories won’t seem any different from any other autobiographical story. You won’t be special for yourself but you will be and feel special in the sense that you’ll be writing new chapters in the story. The achievements in your autobiography will be seen as events caused by inner and outer forces. Acknowledging the merit of others in your finest moments and feeling grateful is a wholesome experience. In my opinion feeling inclusive pride (aren’t we all great) is superior to feeling exclusive pride (I’m great, aren’t I) but do consider that feeling exclusive pride will feel like a bad joke. Luckily there just won’t be anyone left to get hurt by that joke. If you are motivated by exclusive pride you can take comfort in the fact that other people will think you’re great even after enlightenment. Freeing up the potential of the information processor under your skin will look like “you” doing all kinds of great stuff.
This is fascinating and I wish more people would describe experiences like this in terms of familiar metaphors like key-framing instead of metaphors which only make sense to other accomplished meditators.
Maybe it’s just the writer in me, but I feel that any subjective experience can be communicated.
What is the difference between knowing consciously that identity is an illusion and intuitively feeling that identity is an illusion? I became a good reductionist long ago, but I still feel my own identity. I’m not sure if I would want to lose it.
I’m glad you liked the key-frame metaphor. I’m planning on writing a proper article about these experiences and developing a coherent language that makes sense to other physical algorithms trying to experience themselves as such. However I feel that I need to meditate a little longer to make sure I’m not making up too much nonsense.
The main difference between knowing that the self is an illusion and feeling it as such is control of the self-alief. Even without getting into a meditative state I can steer my experience from the habitual one that I use to socialize and become a flow of information between different conscious and semi-conscious modules. I cannot fully eliminate the experience of my habitual identity but I can see it jump between different modalities while still claiming to be the same agent that it was before jumping. It’s hard to believe in an unified self when you can see that the self-experience is just a way for the mind to control itself.
The disbelief becomes even stronger in meditation when the identity is simply not there even though the mind is clearly experiencing something and recording memories.
Losing your identity is not so bad. You can still keep it and be your habitual self whenever the wish to do so arises. This whole thing is pretty great but I still advice making sure that you really want to do this. There is hardly any way of going back.
Let me address some fears associated with losing oneself:
I could no longer feel happiness for myself!
There is great joy in becoming the experience of happiness itself. Bliss needs no target to feel good.
I could no longer feel pain! Life is meaningless without contrasts.
Just as there is joy there is pain. It simply has less chance of sticking anywhere because the sufferer can be toned down at will. To find meaning I recommend focusing on the pain of others and having compassion. They are made of the same bits as you are and there is no fundamental separation. (Compassion is not strictly required if it feels too touchy-feely but where’s the harm if done in moderation.)
I have done great things and all my achievements will be nulled if I disappear!
The autobiographical self won’t disappear but the memories won’t seem any different from any other autobiographical story. You won’t be special for yourself but you will be and feel special in the sense that you’ll be writing new chapters in the story. The achievements in your autobiography will be seen as events caused by inner and outer forces. Acknowledging the merit of others in your finest moments and feeling grateful is a wholesome experience. In my opinion feeling inclusive pride (aren’t we all great) is superior to feeling exclusive pride (I’m great, aren’t I) but do consider that feeling exclusive pride will feel like a bad joke. Luckily there just won’t be anyone left to get hurt by that joke. If you are motivated by exclusive pride you can take comfort in the fact that other people will think you’re great even after enlightenment. Freeing up the potential of the information processor under your skin will look like “you” doing all kinds of great stuff.
Thanks. I look forward to the article and wish you luck.