How do you distinguish his preferences being irrationally inconsistent [...] from him truly wanting to be in relationships periodically[...]?
By talking to him. If it’s the latter, he’ll be able to say he prefers flip flopping like it’s just a matter of fact and if you probe into why he likes flip flopping, he’ll either have an answer that makes sense or he’ll talk about it in a way that shows that he is comfortable with not knowing. If it’s the former, he’ll probably say that he doesn’t like flip flopping, and if he doesn’t, it’ll leak signs of bullshit. It’ll come off like he’s trying to convince you of something because he is. And if you probe his answers for inconsistencies he’ll get hostile because he doesn’t want you to.
I’m not sure where you’re going with the “magic pill” hypotheticals, but I agree. The only thing I can think to add is that a lot of times the “winning behaviors” are largely mental and aren’t really available until you understand the situation better.
For example, if you break your foot and can’t get it x-rayed for a day, the right answer might be to just get some writing done—but if you try to force that behavior while you’re suffering, it’s not gonna go well. You have to actually be able to dismiss the pain signal before you have a mental space to write in.
I’m not sure where you’re going with the “magic pill” hypotheticals, but I agree.
I meant that if someone is behaving irrationally, forcing them to stop that behavior should make them better off. But it seems unlikely to me that forcing him to stay in his current relationship forever, or preventing him from ever entering a relationship (these are the two ways he can be stopped from flip-flopping) actually benefit him.
Forcing anyone to stay in their current relationship forever or forever preventing them from entering a relationship would be quite bad. In order to help him, he’d have to be doing worse than that.
The way to help him would be a bit trickier than that: let him have “good” relationships but not bad. Let him leave “bad” relationships but not good. And then control his mental behaviors so that he’s not allowed to spend time being miserable about his lack of options… (it’s hard to force rationality)
Controlling his mental behaviors would either be changing his preferences or giving him another option. For judging whether he is behaving irrationally, shouldn’t his preferences and set of choices be held fixed?
By talking to him. If it’s the latter, he’ll be able to say he prefers flip flopping like it’s just a matter of fact and if you probe into why he likes flip flopping, he’ll either have an answer that makes sense or he’ll talk about it in a way that shows that he is comfortable with not knowing. If it’s the former, he’ll probably say that he doesn’t like flip flopping, and if he doesn’t, it’ll leak signs of bullshit. It’ll come off like he’s trying to convince you of something because he is. And if you probe his answers for inconsistencies he’ll get hostile because he doesn’t want you to.
I’m not sure where you’re going with the “magic pill” hypotheticals, but I agree. The only thing I can think to add is that a lot of times the “winning behaviors” are largely mental and aren’t really available until you understand the situation better.
For example, if you break your foot and can’t get it x-rayed for a day, the right answer might be to just get some writing done—but if you try to force that behavior while you’re suffering, it’s not gonna go well. You have to actually be able to dismiss the pain signal before you have a mental space to write in.
I meant that if someone is behaving irrationally, forcing them to stop that behavior should make them better off. But it seems unlikely to me that forcing him to stay in his current relationship forever, or preventing him from ever entering a relationship (these are the two ways he can be stopped from flip-flopping) actually benefit him.
Forcing anyone to stay in their current relationship forever or forever preventing them from entering a relationship would be quite bad. In order to help him, he’d have to be doing worse than that.
The way to help him would be a bit trickier than that: let him have “good” relationships but not bad. Let him leave “bad” relationships but not good. And then control his mental behaviors so that he’s not allowed to spend time being miserable about his lack of options… (it’s hard to force rationality)
Controlling his mental behaviors would either be changing his preferences or giving him another option. For judging whether he is behaving irrationally, shouldn’t his preferences and set of choices be held fixed?