do you have an example of: “getting better at attending to what matters to you, instead of attending to what you think matters to you, when there’s a difference”.
Would a central example be someone focusing on trying to become popular, not realising that it is only instrumental towards feeling positive about themselves?
I wouldn’t say that’s a central example. But I think it’s a good one. Simple, clear, easy to access.
A much bigger and more central example to me is death. Most people don’t seem to have clearly seen their own mortality. They’re thinking about their own deaths like a Cartesian agent (i.e., not embedded — like the Alexei robot in this post). They know death happens to everyone eventually, and that it’ll happen to “them”, but it’s almost like they’re talking about a video game character from the outside. Like “Yep, at some point my little Mario figure there will stop when we turn off the gaming console.”
Something really big shifts when folk get a terminal diagnosis. It’s not just “Oh, I thought I had years, but now I have months/weeks/etc.” There’s a grappling-with that’s hard to convey to non-terminal folk. “The end” becomes subjectively real. Like “Oh shit, I’m going to experience this from behind my eyes, inside this skin.” It can feel very lonely and alienating, both because of the existential horror of the situation, but also because it becomes super clear how others are running strange scripts that just don’t make sense.
I include most immortalists and transhumanists in this. I’m not talking just about “Are you taking practical actions to deal with your mortality?” I mean that there’s a deep existential thing to grapple with. Even true immortals would have to orient to it: If you never ever die, then that means you’re facing eternity. That’s like something from behind your eyes.
(This is something even the literalist Christian mythos doesn’t properly address AFAICT: Great, you go to Heaven. Then what? Do you feel time passing? What’s that like? Goes on literally forever? Or does it… fade away at some point? Or do you leave time when you enter Heaven — in which case what’s the subjective experience of that? This isn’t just abstract philosophy. It’s a damn meaningful question!)
It turns out that most things don’t matter in the face of this. The whole thing with deathbed regrets amounts to “I’m sorry I didn’t see this sooner and take it seriously while I still had time.”
But it’s not something you’re likely to really get just by listening to elders and taking their advice. “Work less, connect with family more.” That’s good, and you’ll be grateful for that in the end! But you won’t understand why until you’ve really truly seen your own death clearly.
To the degree you do, it just won’t be tempting anymore to work instead of connect (for instance).
But that’s a really huge example. Maybe one of the biggest. Maybe maybe the biggest.
I do think the “Oh, I don’t actually care about being popular” thing you suggest is pretty good. It has the right quality of “Now that I’ve seen it, I can’t un-see it, and I’ve been seriously wasting my time on this.”
I just wanted to flesh this out a bit, to hint at the scope.
I wouldn’t say that’s a central example. But I think it’s a good one. Simple, clear, easy to access.
A much bigger and more central example to me is death. Most people don’t seem to have clearly seen their own mortality. They’re thinking about their own deaths like a Cartesian agent (i.e., not embedded — like the Alexei robot in this post). They know death happens to everyone eventually, and that it’ll happen to “them”, but it’s almost like they’re talking about a video game character from the outside. Like “Yep, at some point my little Mario figure there will stop when we turn off the gaming console.”
Something really big shifts when folk get a terminal diagnosis. It’s not just “Oh, I thought I had years, but now I have months/weeks/etc.” There’s a grappling-with that’s hard to convey to non-terminal folk. “The end” becomes subjectively real. Like “Oh shit, I’m going to experience this from behind my eyes, inside this skin.” It can feel very lonely and alienating, both because of the existential horror of the situation, but also because it becomes super clear how others are running strange scripts that just don’t make sense.
I include most immortalists and transhumanists in this. I’m not talking just about “Are you taking practical actions to deal with your mortality?” I mean that there’s a deep existential thing to grapple with. Even true immortals would have to orient to it: If you never ever die, then that means you’re facing eternity. That’s like something from behind your eyes.
(This is something even the literalist Christian mythos doesn’t properly address AFAICT: Great, you go to Heaven. Then what? Do you feel time passing? What’s that like? Goes on literally forever? Or does it… fade away at some point? Or do you leave time when you enter Heaven — in which case what’s the subjective experience of that? This isn’t just abstract philosophy. It’s a damn meaningful question!)
It turns out that most things don’t matter in the face of this. The whole thing with deathbed regrets amounts to “I’m sorry I didn’t see this sooner and take it seriously while I still had time.”
But it’s not something you’re likely to really get just by listening to elders and taking their advice. “Work less, connect with family more.” That’s good, and you’ll be grateful for that in the end! But you won’t understand why until you’ve really truly seen your own death clearly.
To the degree you do, it just won’t be tempting anymore to work instead of connect (for instance).
But that’s a really huge example. Maybe one of the biggest. Maybe maybe the biggest.
I do think the “Oh, I don’t actually care about being popular” thing you suggest is pretty good. It has the right quality of “Now that I’ve seen it, I can’t un-see it, and I’ve been seriously wasting my time on this.”
I just wanted to flesh this out a bit, to hint at the scope.
Hopefully that made some sense.
Thanks, that’s useful.