Also, in many cases I can just say “You want to see? Okay. Look here, then here, then here.” And something clicks for my listener.
I assume the “here”s are placeholders for some specific things you would be saying to a particular listener. Can you give some examples of things that those places have held?
Can you give some examples of things that those places have held?
Sure. I’ll give just one for now. These take a while to name in writing, at least they way they occur to me.
Here’s a recurring one: I’ll be talking with someone in a coaching session, and I’ll pick up on how they’re “adding extra”.
This is something that’s easy to point out in live conversation or over video but I find tricky in writing. It’s a tone thing. If I look at the cup next to me and note “This is a cup”, I’m simply noting. There’s nothing extra. But I can add extra with an emotional tone of “I keep this cup next to me to hydrate myself, because I take care of myself, which is something GOOD I do.” I think this is easy to hear with some practice even if the words are identical (“This is a cup”).
Usually when someone is adding extra, they have some unrecognized pain. Most of the time this pain roots down in a universal thing — something I’ve come to call “the pain of duality”. It’s a basic split from something core. It’s roughly the same in everyone best as I can tell, but each person sort of holds and experiences it in their own way.
So when I see someone adding extra, and they’ve asked for my guidance, I’ll sometimes guide them to awareness of this core pain:
“Here it seems to me that you’re saying XYZ [like “I need to finish my thesis”], but you’re also adding something extra. It occurs to me as a tone of ABC [usually like there’s something wrong with them, or that their value is based on something external, or that something is existentially wrong]. There’s nothing wrong with that. I just imagine it’s uncomfortable. Do you see what I’m pointing at?”
We do some calibration, and I adjust based on their feedback (like if I was missing them in some key way). Then if I still see this core pain in them and they agree I’m seeing them clearly, on to the next step:
“Okay. Now, for me, in this spot I tend to feel PQR [something like “afraid something will go wrong if I don’t take care of this task”]. But that’s how the energy feels when it hits my thinking. Underneath that is something wordless. More like a creeping feeling, like reality itself is unsafe or unreliable.”
The point here is to give an example of what it means to feel the energy behind something in consciousness. If my first example doesn’t click for them, I’ll give a few others.
Usually they either notice the core pain or adjust my perception of them. More often the former. It tends to result in a direct kind of seeing, the same way you can directly “see” the feeling of your tongue in your mouth: it’s somehow more unmediated than thoughts about the thing are.
When I wrote Kenshō I might have called this “Looking at your soul pain”. It’s about seeing more directly instead of just thinking about mental models of the thing.
I just think that reifying Looking does something odd to this process. It’s just noticing what you experience when you look where someone is pointing. Even if that someone is yourself.
Hopefully that’s somewhat clear. With more time & effort I might have come up with a simpler example. (“Sorry this letter is so long, I didn’t have time to write a shorter one.”)
Thank you. This is cake! And not only cake, but a cake I have tasted before, although perhaps made to a variant of the recipe. I’m familiar with people adding on their own “stuff” to the things that happen. Personally, I would put less emphasis on their emotional reaction as the thing of importance than whatever they are believing in that moment, that the emotion is a reaction to. If the reaction is dysfunctional, unearthing the beliefs and tracing them to their origins in past events can be helpful in dissolving it.
I assume the “here”s are placeholders for some specific things you would be saying to a particular listener. Can you give some examples of things that those places have held?
Sure. I’ll give just one for now. These take a while to name in writing, at least they way they occur to me.
Here’s a recurring one: I’ll be talking with someone in a coaching session, and I’ll pick up on how they’re “adding extra”.
This is something that’s easy to point out in live conversation or over video but I find tricky in writing. It’s a tone thing. If I look at the cup next to me and note “This is a cup”, I’m simply noting. There’s nothing extra. But I can add extra with an emotional tone of “I keep this cup next to me to hydrate myself, because I take care of myself, which is something GOOD I do.” I think this is easy to hear with some practice even if the words are identical (“This is a cup”).
Usually when someone is adding extra, they have some unrecognized pain. Most of the time this pain roots down in a universal thing — something I’ve come to call “the pain of duality”. It’s a basic split from something core. It’s roughly the same in everyone best as I can tell, but each person sort of holds and experiences it in their own way.
So when I see someone adding extra, and they’ve asked for my guidance, I’ll sometimes guide them to awareness of this core pain:
“Here it seems to me that you’re saying XYZ [like “I need to finish my thesis”], but you’re also adding something extra. It occurs to me as a tone of ABC [usually like there’s something wrong with them, or that their value is based on something external, or that something is existentially wrong]. There’s nothing wrong with that. I just imagine it’s uncomfortable. Do you see what I’m pointing at?”
We do some calibration, and I adjust based on their feedback (like if I was missing them in some key way). Then if I still see this core pain in them and they agree I’m seeing them clearly, on to the next step:
“Okay. Now, for me, in this spot I tend to feel PQR [something like “afraid something will go wrong if I don’t take care of this task”]. But that’s how the energy feels when it hits my thinking. Underneath that is something wordless. More like a creeping feeling, like reality itself is unsafe or unreliable.”
The point here is to give an example of what it means to feel the energy behind something in consciousness. If my first example doesn’t click for them, I’ll give a few others.
Usually they either notice the core pain or adjust my perception of them. More often the former. It tends to result in a direct kind of seeing, the same way you can directly “see” the feeling of your tongue in your mouth: it’s somehow more unmediated than thoughts about the thing are.
When I wrote Kenshō I might have called this “Looking at your soul pain”. It’s about seeing more directly instead of just thinking about mental models of the thing.
I just think that reifying Looking does something odd to this process. It’s just noticing what you experience when you look where someone is pointing. Even if that someone is yourself.
Hopefully that’s somewhat clear. With more time & effort I might have come up with a simpler example. (“Sorry this letter is so long, I didn’t have time to write a shorter one.”)
Thank you. This is cake! And not only cake, but a cake I have tasted before, although perhaps made to a variant of the recipe. I’m familiar with people adding on their own “stuff” to the things that happen. Personally, I would put less emphasis on their emotional reaction as the thing of importance than whatever they are believing in that moment, that the emotion is a reaction to. If the reaction is dysfunctional, unearthing the beliefs and tracing them to their origins in past events can be helpful in dissolving it.