I’m shameless when it comes to securing a good education for my kid.
No kidding. BTW, it’s been a while since I did any actual academic reading on the topic, but I came away with the distinct impression that the quality of the school didn’t matter even a small bit as much as how much effort the student/family put into it.
My own stint in a Catholic highschool reinforced this impression—for most of the kids there, it was just a big money & time sink (long commutes from all around, my own was roughly 3 hours a day).
I strongly suspect that there are greater marginal returns for your daughter in other strategies like buying lots of relevant books, prodding her to use effective study strategies like spaced repetition, or a foreign exchange program. (Actually, I think foreign exchange programs are fantastic for highschoolers.)
According to the admissions lady (who also seemed rather shameless in her matter-of-factness about the facts of admission), I should start actually attending the church (how did she know I didn’t?)
There are a few ways she can make this inference. She never sees you there herself; your name is not on the tithing roster (loyal parishioners sign up to get customized envelopes for their checks; I imagine names on envelope-less checks are also recorded*); none of the other moms talk about you; lack of documentation like baptismal certificates; and so on.
and tithing some small amount, to be increased substantially once admission occurs. (But the total tuition decreases, so.)
Practically speaking, once you’re in, it doesn’t much matter how much you tithe. Catholic highschools as far as I can tell operate much like public ones inasmuch as you have to do badly academically or screw up before they will actually expell you or not let you return the next year (same thing).
You should also ask whether your parish has a Catholic highschool scholarship. Mine did, and it helped a lot. (However, mere regular mass attendance is definitely not enough for a scholarship; they go to the kids who participate in a lot of church activities, unsurprisingly.)
I learned an amazing thing. All of my daughter’s friends were there and it was a HUGE social event for her. Really? Church?
Yup! This should perhaps not surprise you; you must have read of communities in the Midwest or the South where the church is the focus of an entire web of small groups and organizations and social connections, and teenagers need that sort of thing just as much.
Depends on the church, of course, but my church had quite a social circle or clique of teens who orbited around church activities. You’d usher on Saturday (volunteer work and service-hours you could use to fill requirements at the Catholic highschool), go to Boy Scouts meetings at the church, spend Friday night at Teen Night having snacks and watching religious movies etc, sometimes go to teen-focused Bible study sessions, bus off to NYC or DC for an anti-abortion protest, run the stereotypical fundraiser like baked goods or car wash so you and your friends could go to the big annual youth rally at where-ever**… you get the idea. One could easily spend all one’s time at the highschool or church.
During the doughnuts and coffee hug-all-your-theist-friends-time, we secured a cookie decorating play date invitation at someone’s house for the first time. So this is what I’ve been depriving my daughter of? And I was going to send her to this school, clueless, friendless?
‘Fraid so. You’re just seeing the attenuated edge of the close connection between religion and social networks. One doesn’t have to be Catholic to have entree into them—Catholicism is not as virulent and xenophobic as, say, Scientology’s treatment of defectors or the hardliner Amish ‘Meidung’ shunning. Quite a few of my classmates weren’t Catholic. But it’s definitely more difficult.
If Catholicism (and religion in general) were just about taking a 10% paycut, it wouldn’t be so popular.
I think I just don’t have a pat solution yet about what I’m going to do about this social-school-religion thingy.
I wouldn’t worry too much; if your church and highschool are very similar to mine, attendance will only exacerbate or polarize whatever tendency she has. Is she already irreverent, skeptical, and logical? Then the occasional school-wide mass or religion in class will only irritate her. I feel kind of foolish giving advice and trying to ‘other-optimize’ in a sense, but I would look at what does she do with her own money and in private; if she buys a crucifix and starts praying in the morning...
* I don’t know for a fact that my church—or yours, for that matter—kept track of donations and tithing suchly in either fashion, but I would be surprised if they didn’t.
** There was a specific one, but the location escapes my mind at the moment. ‘Attleboro, Massachusetts’ keeps coming to mind, but I don’t see any Google hits really fingering Attleboro.
No kidding. BTW, it’s been a while since I did any actual academic reading on the topic, but I came away with the distinct impression that the quality of the school didn’t matter even a small bit as much as how much effort the student/family put into it.
My own stint in a Catholic highschool reinforced this impression—for most of the kids there, it was just a big money & time sink (long commutes from all around, my own was roughly 3 hours a day).
I strongly suspect that there are greater marginal returns for your daughter in other strategies like buying lots of relevant books, prodding her to use effective study strategies like spaced repetition, or a foreign exchange program. (Actually, I think foreign exchange programs are fantastic for highschoolers.)
There are a few ways she can make this inference. She never sees you there herself; your name is not on the tithing roster (loyal parishioners sign up to get customized envelopes for their checks; I imagine names on envelope-less checks are also recorded*); none of the other moms talk about you; lack of documentation like baptismal certificates; and so on.
Practically speaking, once you’re in, it doesn’t much matter how much you tithe. Catholic highschools as far as I can tell operate much like public ones inasmuch as you have to do badly academically or screw up before they will actually expell you or not let you return the next year (same thing).
You should also ask whether your parish has a Catholic highschool scholarship. Mine did, and it helped a lot. (However, mere regular mass attendance is definitely not enough for a scholarship; they go to the kids who participate in a lot of church activities, unsurprisingly.)
Yup! This should perhaps not surprise you; you must have read of communities in the Midwest or the South where the church is the focus of an entire web of small groups and organizations and social connections, and teenagers need that sort of thing just as much.
Depends on the church, of course, but my church had quite a social circle or clique of teens who orbited around church activities. You’d usher on Saturday (volunteer work and service-hours you could use to fill requirements at the Catholic highschool), go to Boy Scouts meetings at the church, spend Friday night at Teen Night having snacks and watching religious movies etc, sometimes go to teen-focused Bible study sessions, bus off to NYC or DC for an anti-abortion protest, run the stereotypical fundraiser like baked goods or car wash so you and your friends could go to the big annual youth rally at where-ever**… you get the idea. One could easily spend all one’s time at the highschool or church.
‘Fraid so. You’re just seeing the attenuated edge of the close connection between religion and social networks. One doesn’t have to be Catholic to have entree into them—Catholicism is not as virulent and xenophobic as, say, Scientology’s treatment of defectors or the hardliner Amish ‘Meidung’ shunning. Quite a few of my classmates weren’t Catholic. But it’s definitely more difficult.
If Catholicism (and religion in general) were just about taking a 10% paycut, it wouldn’t be so popular.
I wouldn’t worry too much; if your church and highschool are very similar to mine, attendance will only exacerbate or polarize whatever tendency she has. Is she already irreverent, skeptical, and logical? Then the occasional school-wide mass or religion in class will only irritate her. I feel kind of foolish giving advice and trying to ‘other-optimize’ in a sense, but I would look at what does she do with her own money and in private; if she buys a crucifix and starts praying in the morning...
* I don’t know for a fact that my church—or yours, for that matter—kept track of donations and tithing suchly in either fashion, but I would be surprised if they didn’t. ** There was a specific one, but the location escapes my mind at the moment. ‘Attleboro, Massachusetts’ keeps coming to mind, but I don’t see any Google hits really fingering Attleboro.