I like this story, and I think you could do a second version in which you just tell the story, without any analysis incorporated. I think that some people who might be confused or turned off by the analysis because they’re unfamiliar with the jargon might learn more from just reading the story itself.
It actually sat in my drafts pile for several months in exactly that form. I figured people wouldn’t get the (intended) point without explanation, but also adding the explanation felt kind of awkward.
I like this story, and I think you could do a second version in which you just tell the story, without any analysis incorporated. I think that some people who might be confused or turned off by the analysis because they’re unfamiliar with the jargon might learn more from just reading the story itself.
It actually sat in my drafts pile for several months in exactly that form. I figured people wouldn’t get the (intended) point without explanation, but also adding the explanation felt kind of awkward.
It’s good either way :) I just think it’s poetic, and might “work its way in” in the way that good stories do on its own if readers give it time.