Those two examples actually feel very different to me!
In climbing, they have a desire to be up high that, if I don’t get in the way, they’ll use to learn how to climb up and down. If I step in, either by prohibiting climbing or by letting them get the benefits without putting in the work, that keeps this from working.
With the trike, if she chooses to bring the trike away from the house it’s her job to bring it back again. I wouldn’t want to get into a pattern where we leave the house with all her stuff and then she expects me to pack it back home again, especially if both kids might expect me to carry their things (trike + bike could be a lot for me!) If she had decided to leave the trike, and I’d brought it home, I hadn’t thought about what I’d do next. I probably would have put it in the basement. At some point she would probably ask for it back, and then maybe I would have offered to sell it back to her for a few weeks worth of her allowance? This sounds a bit weird and maybe mean, but compare it to the alternatives of (a) the child can at any point abandon their things and expect the parent will handle it or (b) the parent forces the child to bring their stuff home.
As for what it would mean for it to be “my trike”, the idea that some things in the house belong to different people is pretty normal to them: they know I’d be grumpy if they used my toothbrush, they each have some toys that are theirs (along with a lot of others that are communal).
I think it’s important for people to learn how interpersonal boundaries work. Anna could ask me to bring the trike back, and I might decide to say yes to be nice, but I’m not obligated to say yes. I would like to raise my kids to be nice and help people out, but also to know when they’re asking for a favor and know what sort of requests they can say no to.
Those two examples actually feel very different to me!
In climbing, they have a desire to be up high that, if I don’t get in the way, they’ll use to learn how to climb up and down. If I step in, either by prohibiting climbing or by letting them get the benefits without putting in the work, that keeps this from working.
With the trike, if she chooses to bring the trike away from the house it’s her job to bring it back again. I wouldn’t want to get into a pattern where we leave the house with all her stuff and then she expects me to pack it back home again, especially if both kids might expect me to carry their things (trike + bike could be a lot for me!) If she had decided to leave the trike, and I’d brought it home, I hadn’t thought about what I’d do next. I probably would have put it in the basement. At some point she would probably ask for it back, and then maybe I would have offered to sell it back to her for a few weeks worth of her allowance? This sounds a bit weird and maybe mean, but compare it to the alternatives of (a) the child can at any point abandon their things and expect the parent will handle it or (b) the parent forces the child to bring their stuff home.
As for what it would mean for it to be “my trike”, the idea that some things in the house belong to different people is pretty normal to them: they know I’d be grumpy if they used my toothbrush, they each have some toys that are theirs (along with a lot of others that are communal).
I think it’s important for people to learn how interpersonal boundaries work. Anna could ask me to bring the trike back, and I might decide to say yes to be nice, but I’m not obligated to say yes. I would like to raise my kids to be nice and help people out, but also to know when they’re asking for a favor and know what sort of requests they can say no to.