Another example would be when you are out somewhere that a third party has posted rules which don’t make sense. I don’t want, as a parent, to actively say “when you are using someone else’s space you are free to ignore their rules if you think they are stupid and you aren’t imposing large costs on others” but sometimes that’s the actual line I want to take. Not noticing that my kids are breaking a rule I think is dumb is a way to thread that needle.
Eventually I would want to be explicit about this, but you’re right that there’s an age at which a kid is old enough to use your approach and being explicit would get you into “But Papa said if I think rules are stupid I can ignore them!”
Another example would be when you are out somewhere that a third party has posted rules which don’t make sense. I don’t want, as a parent, to actively say “when you are using someone else’s space you are free to ignore their rules if you think they are stupid and you aren’t imposing large costs on others” but sometimes that’s the actual line I want to take. Not noticing that my kids are breaking a rule I think is dumb is a way to thread that needle.
Eventually I would want to be explicit about this, but you’re right that there’s an age at which a kid is old enough to use your approach and being explicit would get you into “But Papa said if I think rules are stupid I can ignore them!”
Also there’s some slippage here -
A—Kid can ignore rules if I, Dad, think the rules are stupid (among other considerations)
vs.
B—Kid can ignore rules if she, kid, thinks the rules are stupid (among other considerations)
It’s hard to be explicit about A without implicitly giving permission to do B, which I don’t want.