First, I would say look for the possibilities to make the boarding school work as best as possible.
What can you do directly?
Have you considered actually boarding at your current school? Is that financially doable?
If it’s really an issue of coming home late every day, are there any activities that go late on some days, so that you have some long days, and then some short days?
How can you adjust your schedule to make things work?
You’re going on 16, aren’t you? Are you going to get a car for that commute? That might make life easier.
On activities, have you looked at them all? You’re young. Try things. Art. Music. Dance.
( I really can’t recommend Dance strongly enough as something to get into young. It’s fitness that can last and be used a lifetime. And it’s a gold mine for young men, as there are a dozen girls trained in dance for every guy. I took up social dance after grad school. I’m 50 now, and dancing with girls half my age because I can. Me and my friends were just young morons for turning up our noses at dance. This falls under “try things” too. I had no idea I’d enjoy dance so much, or of all the benefits it would bring.)
After you look at your options for what you can do, I’d go talk to administrators at your school to see if they can help.
Tell them you love the place—you LOVE the place—but you have issues because of being off campus and the on campus requirements keeping you from home.
Could they reduce the participation requirements?
Could they help further financially to get you boarding on campus? Maybe part time?
What kind of high school doesn’t have a math team?
Private boarding schools should have a good deal of flexibility in what they can do financially. Particularly with room and board, I expect that’s just adding you to fix costs that the school already incurs.
I got a similar scholarship to a private (but not boarding) school. Though smart, I was not always so good a student. They counseled me and worked with me.
They want you to stay. They want you to succeed. They don’t want you to bail.
Work for the best deal you can manage, and then decide.
The private school sounds like it would leave you better prepared, and certainly better credentialed to get into the best school you can.
The college you go to, and the friends you make there, have a huge effect on the rest of your life. I would expect the same principle applies to snooty boarding schools. You make connections that can last you decades. The college you go to matters if you want to go to grad school (because your grad school matters, particularly if you want to stay in academe).
The trade off you make now will be paying off in compounded interest for the rest of your life. It’s a good time to suck it up a little for a long term gain.
I’ve noticed that when people tell me I have to do things, I enjoy them much, much less.
Everybody is like that. Particularly at work. Everything is a battle of status and control. It’s not helpful. Try to let it go.
The public school is really unusually good for a public school. Also, I’m a (straight) girl, and I’ve tried dancing and am REALLY bad at it. I took ballet when I was a little girl for years… I appreciate the suggestion, though.
I should have clarified that I’m on financial aid because my mother works at the school, not because they particularly want me. My mother did tell me that I might have gotten a scholarship anyway, because I’m a good student, but I don’t know if I’d buy that.
My PSAT was very good (1490 out of 1520) and I have a solid A- GPA, so I probably don’t have to worry too much about going to college. I am not hugely concerned with getting into Harvard or anything like that.
Furthermore, though the private school academics are definitely better, all of the classes are “discussion-based” which means that you spend most of the time listening to your peers try to bullshit their way into class participation points. Granted that some teachers ignore this and teach more traditionally, and some students are smart enough to say interesting things—but they’re still high school students.
You’re certainly right about letting things go. Even if society didn’t really exist I’d still have to spend several hours every day hunting for food. I should be more grateful.
Also, I’m a (straight) girl, and I’ve tried dancing and am REALLY bad at it.
I was spectacularly bad at it when I started. (For me it was just social dance, which doesn’t have the same athletic barriers to entry as ballet or modern dance. ) This was after graduate school, and years of no real athletic activity, although I did exercise. The interesting thing is that I went from awful to pretty good. Experiencing that a physical talent can be learned is an important bit of development in itself.
Admittedly I haven’t spent much time pondering all the foolish mistakes a young lady might make in her youth, having so much more experience with the foolish mistakes of a young man.
Perhaps some of the ladies in the audience would have some more data driven ideas on useful school activities for you.
(In fact, LW really should have an open thread on any bits of experienced based wisdom we think we’ve gained. Maybe I’ll get around to that sometime. Considering it now, it really seems a scandal that with all our talk of winning, we don’t really discuss the hard won techniques of doing so.)
I do think the following generalizes between the sexes though—the ability to move with coordination, confidence, strength, control, balance, and awareness is a big thing in a person’s development. Beyond health and fitness, it has psychological consequences.
I am not hugely concerned with getting into Harvard or anything like that.
If I had it to do over again, or I had children, I would make that a concern. College is an opportunity to make a huge jump in the wealth and power of your social connections. It sounds cold and hard and calculating. And it is. Don’t shy away from that calculation because some look down on such cold and hard social calculation.
I never thought about such things in my youth. I was ignorant of a great many things.
listening to your peers try to bullshit their way into class participation points.
I seem to have devolved into grandpa giving advice. But this will keep me forging ahead a while longer.
Your PSAT and your posts here tell me that you’re very intelligent. Few people talk about the associated costs of high intelligence. When you’re way out on the tail of the distribution, society isn’t made to fit you, and you can easily mistake the world if you project your intelligence onto others and evaluate from there—what is more natural than to use the only mind you have access to to model the minds of others?
But you’ve got data that tells you that your mind is not like others. You are significantly smarter than most. Just how many, I don’t know. You should know. Or find out. Get yourself percentiled so you have a decent idea just how rare a duck you are.
So about your peers. It’s unclear how many of them really are your peers.
And their bullshitting. That may just be the best they can do. That’s what a right answer looks like to them. And to many of your teachers as well.
Your IQ should be a strong consideration in your original problem of choosing schools—just how much can you be segregated into classes with actual peers at each school? That’s a significant consideration for how well the school fits your needs.
Furthermore, though the private school academics are definitely better, all of the classes are “discussion-based”
What would be the alternative? Lecture based? Work based?
They are requiring that you produce actual work product in homework, aren’t they? If you’re really smarter than most in your school, you’re at great hazard of not getting what everyone needs out of school—the ability to discipline yourself to produce work product. The A- average seems to indicate you’re doing ok with learning self motivation and self control, but I thought it was worth mentioning.
First, I would say look for the possibilities to make the boarding school work as best as possible.
What can you do directly? Have you considered actually boarding at your current school? Is that financially doable? If it’s really an issue of coming home late every day, are there any activities that go late on some days, so that you have some long days, and then some short days? How can you adjust your schedule to make things work? You’re going on 16, aren’t you? Are you going to get a car for that commute? That might make life easier. On activities, have you looked at them all? You’re young. Try things. Art. Music. Dance.
( I really can’t recommend Dance strongly enough as something to get into young. It’s fitness that can last and be used a lifetime. And it’s a gold mine for young men, as there are a dozen girls trained in dance for every guy. I took up social dance after grad school. I’m 50 now, and dancing with girls half my age because I can. Me and my friends were just young morons for turning up our noses at dance. This falls under “try things” too. I had no idea I’d enjoy dance so much, or of all the benefits it would bring.)
After you look at your options for what you can do, I’d go talk to administrators at your school to see if they can help. Tell them you love the place—you LOVE the place—but you have issues because of being off campus and the on campus requirements keeping you from home. Could they reduce the participation requirements? Could they help further financially to get you boarding on campus? Maybe part time? What kind of high school doesn’t have a math team?
Private boarding schools should have a good deal of flexibility in what they can do financially. Particularly with room and board, I expect that’s just adding you to fix costs that the school already incurs.
I got a similar scholarship to a private (but not boarding) school. Though smart, I was not always so good a student. They counseled me and worked with me.
They want you to stay. They want you to succeed. They don’t want you to bail.
Work for the best deal you can manage, and then decide.
The private school sounds like it would leave you better prepared, and certainly better credentialed to get into the best school you can.
The college you go to, and the friends you make there, have a huge effect on the rest of your life. I would expect the same principle applies to snooty boarding schools. You make connections that can last you decades. The college you go to matters if you want to go to grad school (because your grad school matters, particularly if you want to stay in academe).
The trade off you make now will be paying off in compounded interest for the rest of your life. It’s a good time to suck it up a little for a long term gain.
Everybody is like that. Particularly at work. Everything is a battle of status and control. It’s not helpful. Try to let it go.
The public school is really unusually good for a public school. Also, I’m a (straight) girl, and I’ve tried dancing and am REALLY bad at it. I took ballet when I was a little girl for years… I appreciate the suggestion, though.
I should have clarified that I’m on financial aid because my mother works at the school, not because they particularly want me. My mother did tell me that I might have gotten a scholarship anyway, because I’m a good student, but I don’t know if I’d buy that.
My PSAT was very good (1490 out of 1520) and I have a solid A- GPA, so I probably don’t have to worry too much about going to college. I am not hugely concerned with getting into Harvard or anything like that.
Furthermore, though the private school academics are definitely better, all of the classes are “discussion-based” which means that you spend most of the time listening to your peers try to bullshit their way into class participation points. Granted that some teachers ignore this and teach more traditionally, and some students are smart enough to say interesting things—but they’re still high school students.
You’re certainly right about letting things go. Even if society didn’t really exist I’d still have to spend several hours every day hunting for food. I should be more grateful.
Thank you for the advice.
I was spectacularly bad at it when I started. (For me it was just social dance, which doesn’t have the same athletic barriers to entry as ballet or modern dance. ) This was after graduate school, and years of no real athletic activity, although I did exercise. The interesting thing is that I went from awful to pretty good. Experiencing that a physical talent can be learned is an important bit of development in itself.
Admittedly I haven’t spent much time pondering all the foolish mistakes a young lady might make in her youth, having so much more experience with the foolish mistakes of a young man.
Perhaps some of the ladies in the audience would have some more data driven ideas on useful school activities for you.
(In fact, LW really should have an open thread on any bits of experienced based wisdom we think we’ve gained. Maybe I’ll get around to that sometime. Considering it now, it really seems a scandal that with all our talk of winning, we don’t really discuss the hard won techniques of doing so.)
I do think the following generalizes between the sexes though—the ability to move with coordination, confidence, strength, control, balance, and awareness is a big thing in a person’s development. Beyond health and fitness, it has psychological consequences.
If I had it to do over again, or I had children, I would make that a concern. College is an opportunity to make a huge jump in the wealth and power of your social connections. It sounds cold and hard and calculating. And it is. Don’t shy away from that calculation because some look down on such cold and hard social calculation.
I never thought about such things in my youth. I was ignorant of a great many things.
I seem to have devolved into grandpa giving advice. But this will keep me forging ahead a while longer.
Your PSAT and your posts here tell me that you’re very intelligent. Few people talk about the associated costs of high intelligence. When you’re way out on the tail of the distribution, society isn’t made to fit you, and you can easily mistake the world if you project your intelligence onto others and evaluate from there—what is more natural than to use the only mind you have access to to model the minds of others?
But you’ve got data that tells you that your mind is not like others. You are significantly smarter than most. Just how many, I don’t know. You should know. Or find out. Get yourself percentiled so you have a decent idea just how rare a duck you are.
So about your peers. It’s unclear how many of them really are your peers. And their bullshitting. That may just be the best they can do. That’s what a right answer looks like to them. And to many of your teachers as well.
Your IQ should be a strong consideration in your original problem of choosing schools—just how much can you be segregated into classes with actual peers at each school? That’s a significant consideration for how well the school fits your needs.
What would be the alternative? Lecture based? Work based?
They are requiring that you produce actual work product in homework, aren’t they? If you’re really smarter than most in your school, you’re at great hazard of not getting what everyone needs out of school—the ability to discipline yourself to produce work product. The A- average seems to indicate you’re doing ok with learning self motivation and self control, but I thought it was worth mentioning.