Which makes this an asymmetric strategy. It can only work on people who don’t use it. I imagine one might get a feeling of smug superiority over the less enlightened person who swallows the bait without noticing — “ha, what fools these dullards be!” — but this is more smarm than amiability.
The most famous source of the advice to get the other person to talk about themselves is “How to Make Friends and Influence People”. It was written by a salesman, translating his sales technique into everyday life. A salesman is always in an asymmetric relationship with his prospective customers. He is trying to sell them something. But if you never speak of yourself, what are you selling? It’s clear what you’re buying with your attention: information about the other person.
Which makes this an asymmetric strategy. It can only work on people who don’t use it. I imagine one might get a feeling of smug superiority over the less enlightened person who swallows the bait without noticing — “ha, what fools these dullards be!” — but this is more smarm than amiability.
The most famous source of the advice to get the other person to talk about themselves is “How to Make Friends and Influence People”. It was written by a salesman, translating his sales technique into everyday life. A salesman is always in an asymmetric relationship with his prospective customers. He is trying to sell them something. But if you never speak of yourself, what are you selling? It’s clear what you’re buying with your attention: information about the other person.
Rather like Facebook.