you are expecting too much of yourself, all the time, that even when you actually do think something clearly—it isn’t clear enough, and it is drowned in emotional-reactionary noise.
This sounds pretty accurate. I am an extreme perfectionist. I tend to get lost in details (which I hate—in general, I hate details! but I still get lost in them!) trying to reach some unknown standard of “good enough” that is totally unmoored from reality. It’s particularly a problem on here, since I feel less intelligent than most other LessWrongers, or at least less rigorous of a thinker, and feel like I have to figure out how to say everything in a Smart Like Eliezer sort of way before I have the “right” to post. And I’m just… not like that. I’m a poet, not an engineer lol.
Yeah, I can relate to the general feeling—but not quite the particular comparison, since I haven’t been here very long and have already earned down-votes on my posts—So, that should be a clear signal I am not close to Eliezer or some kind of minimum entry level yet.
Its not like I do not have high standards and—ambitions, but then I am aware of my comparatively big weaknesses and limitations as well. Growing up getting compared to others, without actually doing it in my favour or even to my contemporaries, has taken me many years to heal. Sadly, if you have been hurt like it seems you have, you are starting out harder than someone with just slightly better parents. You physical health and your psychic health might be worse than you want to admit, and you might not want to ask for help or support. That you are here, showing yourself—Even though it is only from the keyboard sidelines, I want you to feel seen and heard.
I’m not someone who likes to wallow in my suffering and feel sorry for myself / like a victim, so you don’t have to worry about me needing to feel “seen and heard”—though I do appreciate your care and concern! What I really want is to become good enough, not to be given a handicap or treated like I’m innately less capable because of things that happened to me.
I agree, I am not feeling sorry for you. And I am not urging you to give yourself a handicap or to keep an excuse lying around in case you need it.
What I am pointing out, is that if you have lived in a less than ideal environment, there will probably have been some damages. And to not hide from discovering your weaknesses and limitations, as knowing them is not only part of who you are and makes you more human, but it also helps you make better plans and find out what actually works for you, instead of insisting on trying what should work for you. If you are different, the standard approach might not work as the ‘book’ says.
And that is not feeling sorry for yourself. That is digging out any courage you have to face the music about what life so far has done to you, in detail. Sorrow, pain, hurt, depression and feeling dejected… - is the natural and healthy reaction to seeing/feeling inner mayhem. Giving yourself care, warmth and understanding is not feeling sorry for youself, but actually giving your wounds space to heal, increases your well-being and makes it so that you have more focus and energy long term. It is acknowledging that any wound, physical, psychological, emotional and relational, not only needs time, but a certain environment to heal.
Not that you actually said otherwise.. Guess I just got worked up, sorry about that. I hope you create you inner good enough too, whatever that might look like.
This sounds pretty accurate. I am an extreme perfectionist. I tend to get lost in details (which I hate—in general, I hate details! but I still get lost in them!) trying to reach some unknown standard of “good enough” that is totally unmoored from reality. It’s particularly a problem on here, since I feel less intelligent than most other LessWrongers, or at least less rigorous of a thinker, and feel like I have to figure out how to say everything in a Smart Like Eliezer sort of way before I have the “right” to post. And I’m just… not like that. I’m a poet, not an engineer lol.
Yeah, I can relate to the general feeling—but not quite the particular comparison, since I haven’t been here very long and have already earned down-votes on my posts—So, that should be a clear signal I am not close to Eliezer or some kind of minimum entry level yet.
Its not like I do not have high standards and—ambitions, but then I am aware of my comparatively big weaknesses and limitations as well. Growing up getting compared to others, without actually doing it in my favour or even to my contemporaries, has taken me many years to heal. Sadly, if you have been hurt like it seems you have, you are starting out harder than someone with just slightly better parents. You physical health and your psychic health might be worse than you want to admit, and you might not want to ask for help or support. That you are here, showing yourself—Even though it is only from the keyboard sidelines, I want you to feel seen and heard.
I’m not someone who likes to wallow in my suffering and feel sorry for myself / like a victim, so you don’t have to worry about me needing to feel “seen and heard”—though I do appreciate your care and concern! What I really want is to become good enough, not to be given a handicap or treated like I’m innately less capable because of things that happened to me.
I agree, I am not feeling sorry for you. And I am not urging you to give yourself a handicap or to keep an excuse lying around in case you need it.
What I am pointing out, is that if you have lived in a less than ideal environment, there will probably have been some damages. And to not hide from discovering your weaknesses and limitations, as knowing them is not only part of who you are and makes you more human, but it also helps you make better plans and find out what actually works for you, instead of insisting on trying what should work for you. If you are different, the standard approach might not work as the ‘book’ says.
And that is not feeling sorry for yourself. That is digging out any courage you have to face the music about what life so far has done to you, in detail. Sorrow, pain, hurt, depression and feeling dejected… - is the natural and healthy reaction to seeing/feeling inner mayhem.
Giving yourself care, warmth and understanding is not feeling sorry for youself, but actually giving your wounds space to heal, increases your well-being and makes it so that you have more focus and energy long term. It is acknowledging that any wound, physical, psychological, emotional and relational, not only needs time, but a certain environment to heal.
Not that you actually said otherwise.. Guess I just got worked up, sorry about that. I hope you create you inner good enough too, whatever that might look like.