I am very frank by nature. In my career my coworkers have often expressed a lot of respect for the fact that I will ask “tough questions”, give thoughtful critical feedback, and argue well for idiosyncratic opinions. I almost never decline to say something that I think is true and interesting or useful because I think it will have negative repercussions on me. (Although if I think it might be hurtful to someone, or they might misinterpret it, I may try to optimize how I say it.)
However, I am also noticeably poor at understanding other people’s nonverbal behavior. I am frequently in situations where other people (who I consider to be worth their weight in gold to me when performing this function) show me that I have been oblivious to how I was affecting other people. For example, I have had to learn a lot about how to criticize people in ways that they will be receptive to, and about the function of public praise. Perhaps not unrelatedly, I also have exceptionally low amounts of general anxiety and neuroticism. So basically the thing in the world that I am absolutely the worst at noticing and responding to is when someone is unhappy or angry with me in some way.
I think these go together. I never get negative feedback on my behavior, because I am too oblivious to notice the negative feedback which is constantly flying at me. So I do the “brave truthteller” thing by default and enjoy the conspicuous respect. I bet that most “brave truthteller” types are in a similar position. That’s not to say that it’s a bad policy—I think it’s just a high-variance policy—but it’s a lot easier to execute the policy when you don’t suffer the bad beats.
The lack of recognition probably has to do with your own ability to keep things positive internally, so when you do talk about negative or depressing stuff, it has different type of emotional effect on you compared to most others. I don’t have as many “friends” as a result of this, but I’m able to find friends who I think matter for areas that others may not care much about for this as well. It’s really just a case of “even though you are reading this, it doesn’t mean it was written for you.”
I am very frank by nature. In my career my coworkers have often expressed a lot of respect for the fact that I will ask “tough questions”, give thoughtful critical feedback, and argue well for idiosyncratic opinions. I almost never decline to say something that I think is true and interesting or useful because I think it will have negative repercussions on me. (Although if I think it might be hurtful to someone, or they might misinterpret it, I may try to optimize how I say it.)
However, I am also noticeably poor at understanding other people’s nonverbal behavior. I am frequently in situations where other people (who I consider to be worth their weight in gold to me when performing this function) show me that I have been oblivious to how I was affecting other people. For example, I have had to learn a lot about how to criticize people in ways that they will be receptive to, and about the function of public praise. Perhaps not unrelatedly, I also have exceptionally low amounts of general anxiety and neuroticism. So basically the thing in the world that I am absolutely the worst at noticing and responding to is when someone is unhappy or angry with me in some way.
I think these go together. I never get negative feedback on my behavior, because I am too oblivious to notice the negative feedback which is constantly flying at me. So I do the “brave truthteller” thing by default and enjoy the conspicuous respect. I bet that most “brave truthteller” types are in a similar position. That’s not to say that it’s a bad policy—I think it’s just a high-variance policy—but it’s a lot easier to execute the policy when you don’t suffer the bad beats.
The lack of recognition probably has to do with your own ability to keep things positive internally, so when you do talk about negative or depressing stuff, it has different type of emotional effect on you compared to most others. I don’t have as many “friends” as a result of this, but I’m able to find friends who I think matter for areas that others may not care much about for this as well. It’s really just a case of “even though you are reading this, it doesn’t mean it was written for you.”