Yes, if I have various kinds of entanglement and dependence on someone, such as living together, sharing finances and expensive objects like a car, sharing large parts of our social lives, and possibly having children, I don’t want them to be able to leave at a moment’s notice. This doesn’t make be feel especially evil.
Really? I’d suggest you don’t want them to have a positive expected value on leaving at a moment’s notice rather than wanting them restricted, but in any case… the solution is to structure your entanglements and dependence in such a way that this opportunity is available to them if they desire it, not to try to force contracts and obligations onto them in order to restrict them.
Can you rephrase? I’m thinking things like “If we have a kid, we shouldn’t split up even if we’re a little unhappy” and “If I’ve quit my job to be a homemaker, don’t stop giving me money without warning”. Are you saying to avoid getting in such situations in the first place? Or are you saying not to marry jerks who will leave you and the kids in the dust?
“If we have a kid, we shouldn’t split up even if we’re a little unhappy”
Yes; the kid increases the cost of splitting up, so being a little unhappy doesn’t justify making the kid really unhappy. You don’t need a marriage for this, you just need to think about the situation for five minutes.
“If I’ve quit my job to be a homemaker, don’t stop giving me money without warning”.
Pay partially into an account that is available to the homemaker and not you; with a month’s head start the account will have enough to pay out to the homemaker for at least a month. This is equivalent to a month’s warning. It took me like fifteen seconds to think of this and it’s already better than the equivalent financial situation within a marriage.
There are just better ways of doing everything marriage needs to do, except installing a huge cost on leaving, so it seems duplicitous to prefer marriage to these other ways if you ostensibly only care aout the other things.
Yes, if I have various kinds of entanglement and dependence on someone, such as living together, sharing finances and expensive objects like a car, sharing large parts of our social lives, and possibly having children, I don’t want them to be able to leave at a moment’s notice. This doesn’t make be feel especially evil.
Really? I’d suggest you don’t want them to have a positive expected value on leaving at a moment’s notice rather than wanting them restricted, but in any case… the solution is to structure your entanglements and dependence in such a way that this opportunity is available to them if they desire it, not to try to force contracts and obligations onto them in order to restrict them.
Can you rephrase? I’m thinking things like “If we have a kid, we shouldn’t split up even if we’re a little unhappy” and “If I’ve quit my job to be a homemaker, don’t stop giving me money without warning”. Are you saying to avoid getting in such situations in the first place? Or are you saying not to marry jerks who will leave you and the kids in the dust?
Yes; the kid increases the cost of splitting up, so being a little unhappy doesn’t justify making the kid really unhappy. You don’t need a marriage for this, you just need to think about the situation for five minutes.
Pay partially into an account that is available to the homemaker and not you; with a month’s head start the account will have enough to pay out to the homemaker for at least a month. This is equivalent to a month’s warning. It took me like fifteen seconds to think of this and it’s already better than the equivalent financial situation within a marriage.
There are just better ways of doing everything marriage needs to do, except installing a huge cost on leaving, so it seems duplicitous to prefer marriage to these other ways if you ostensibly only care aout the other things.