I like “tell culture” and find myself leaning towards it more often these days, but e.g. as I’m composing an email, I’ll find myself worrying that the recipient will just interpret a statement like: “I’m curious about X” as a somewhat passive request for information about X (which it sort of is, but also I really don’t want it to come across that way...)
Cultures depend on shared assumptions of trust, and indeed, if they don’t share your assumptions, you can’t just unilaterally declare a culture. (I think the short answer is “unless you want to onboard someone else into your culture, you probably can’t just do the sort of thing you want to do.”)
I recommend checking out Reveal Culture, which tackles some of this.
(You can manually specify “I’m curious about X [I don’t mean to be asking you about it, just mentioning that I’m curious about it, no pressure if you don’t want to go into it.]”. But, that is indeed a clunkier statement, and probably defeats the point of you being able to casually mention it in the first place.)
I am somewhat curious what you’re hoping to get out of being able to say things like “I’m curious about X” if it’s not intended as a passive request. I think the answers here of how to communicate across cultures will depend a lot on what specific thing you’re trying to communicate and why and how (and then covering that with a variety of patches, which are specific to the topic in question)
It might be a passive request, I’m not actually sure… I’d think of it more like an invitation, which you are free to decline. Although OFC, declining an invitation does send a message whether you like it or not *shrug.
> But, that is indeed a clunkier statement, and probably defeats the point of you being able to casually mention it in the first place.)
Also like, if you’re in something like guess culture, and someone tells you “I’m just telling you this with no expectation,” they will still be trying to guess what you may want from that.
I like “tell culture” and find myself leaning towards it more often these days, but e.g. as I’m composing an email, I’ll find myself worrying that the recipient will just interpret a statement like: “I’m curious about X” as a somewhat passive request for information about X (which it sort of is, but also I really don’t want it to come across that way...)
Anyone have thoughts/suggestions?
Cultures depend on shared assumptions of trust, and indeed, if they don’t share your assumptions, you can’t just unilaterally declare a culture. (I think the short answer is “unless you want to onboard someone else into your culture, you probably can’t just do the sort of thing you want to do.”)
I recommend checking out Reveal Culture, which tackles some of this.
(You can manually specify “I’m curious about X [I don’t mean to be asking you about it, just mentioning that I’m curious about it, no pressure if you don’t want to go into it.]”. But, that is indeed a clunkier statement, and probably defeats the point of you being able to casually mention it in the first place.)
I am somewhat curious what you’re hoping to get out of being able to say things like “I’m curious about X” if it’s not intended as a passive request. I think the answers here of how to communicate across cultures will depend a lot on what specific thing you’re trying to communicate and why and how (and then covering that with a variety of patches, which are specific to the topic in question)
I once heard someone say, “I’m curious about X, but only want to ask you about it if you want to talk about it” and thought that seemed very skillful.
It might be a passive request, I’m not actually sure… I’d think of it more like an invitation, which you are free to decline. Although OFC, declining an invitation does send a message whether you like it or not *shrug.
> But, that is indeed a clunkier statement, and probably defeats the point of you being able to casually mention it in the first place.)
Also like, if you’re in something like guess culture, and someone tells you “I’m just telling you this with no expectation,” they will still be trying to guess what you may want from that.
Be brave. Get clear on your own intentions. Feel out their comfort level with talking about X first.
I guess one problem here is that how someone responds to such a statement carries information about how much they respect you…
If someone you are honored to even get the time of day from writes that, you will almost certainly craft a strong response about X...