The intended meter isn’t quite that simple though.
Fair enough. I found other aspects of the poem so awkward, though, that I never actually finished any one full stanza without wincing. The rhythm seemed like the one thing I could offer a semi-objective opinion on, and I figured that maybe some of the other things that were bothering me were a result of you trying to fit a meter without conscious awareness of what meter you were trying to fit.
Fair enough. I found other aspects of the poem so awkward, though, that I never actually finished any one full stanza without wincing. The rhythm seemed like the one thing I could offer a semi-objective opinion on, and I figured that maybe some of the other things that were bothering me were a result of you trying to fit a meter without conscious awareness of what meter you were trying to fit.