Sure. I’ll give examples of situations where I think I’ve improved, rather than where I’m just failing miserably, since the failures probably mean I don’t understand what’s going on.
You’re flirting with someone and they ask you a simple personal question, like your age or whether you’re single. You can answer honestly, right away, which is what I did for years because I didn’t even consider other options. Or you can make them guess. Before I started doing this, I thought they’d get frustrated and end the conversation. The opposite is true! Answering right away is boring. Making them guess makes them more invested and more interested.
More on being coy with information: you know you’re going to do the dishes, no matter what. But you say to your roommate, “hey, I’ll do the dishes if you take the trash out.” You’ll get this deal every time. But if they know upfront that you’re already committed to doing the work, they’ll be much less likely to do their fair share.
You’re riding in a car talking with two other people. Someone slips up and says something offensive, or dumb, or otherwise immediately regretful. I think that the obvious Golden Rule response, and my go-to response until recently, is to gracefully transition the subject away from the gaff, or to say something even worse to take some of the embarrassment off them. But you have other options if the game you’re playing is more long-term than giving everybody what they want right away. You can express (or feign) disgust, make a joke at their expense, or let their comment linger, depending on what you’re trying to do.
Sure. I’ll give examples of situations where I think I’ve improved, rather than where I’m just failing miserably, since the failures probably mean I don’t understand what’s going on.
You’re flirting with someone and they ask you a simple personal question, like your age or whether you’re single. You can answer honestly, right away, which is what I did for years because I didn’t even consider other options. Or you can make them guess. Before I started doing this, I thought they’d get frustrated and end the conversation. The opposite is true! Answering right away is boring. Making them guess makes them more invested and more interested.
More on being coy with information: you know you’re going to do the dishes, no matter what. But you say to your roommate, “hey, I’ll do the dishes if you take the trash out.” You’ll get this deal every time. But if they know upfront that you’re already committed to doing the work, they’ll be much less likely to do their fair share.
You’re riding in a car talking with two other people. Someone slips up and says something offensive, or dumb, or otherwise immediately regretful. I think that the obvious Golden Rule response, and my go-to response until recently, is to gracefully transition the subject away from the gaff, or to say something even worse to take some of the embarrassment off them. But you have other options if the game you’re playing is more long-term than giving everybody what they want right away. You can express (or feign) disgust, make a joke at their expense, or let their comment linger, depending on what you’re trying to do.
As a bonus, if you have people guess your age, you get to know how old (people are willing to admit) you look.
Thanks!