For you, our patented superintelligent prediction algorithm anticipated that you would want an account, so we already created one for you. Unfortunately, it also predicted that you would make very bad investments in literal galaxy-brain hot takes. Therefore, we decided to terminate your account.
I asked Omega to model your model’s model of what trades my brain would have executed if I had created an account. It seems I owe you $2,440.22.
Please send me your bank account number, routing number, ATM PIN, signature exemplar, and Social Security card so I can send you the funds. For your records, my username would have been ButtsLOL42069.
For you, our patented superintelligent prediction algorithm anticipated that you would want an account, so we already created one for you. Unfortunately, it also predicted that you would make very bad investments in literal galaxy-brain hot takes. Therefore, we decided to terminate your account.
I asked Omega to model your model’s model of what trades my brain would have executed if I had created an account. It seems I owe you $2,440.22.
Please send me your bank account number, routing number, ATM PIN, signature exemplar, and Social Security card so I can send you the funds. For your records, my username would have been ButtsLOL42069.