Bit late onto this, but wow. Seriously impressed. I got the “oh no the novel has finished come back imaginary world don’t leave me!” feeling when I finished, and it’s not even a novel.
Feedback:
Central concept is great, really good illustration of the weirdtopia concept.
More length would be great, I would totally lap up more details of what happened to other characters, say, or just generic “life in Equestria” description.
I would like to see at least a brief second mention of the person from the intro, just for balance. If felt like I got to know her too well to never hear from her again.
On the smoking point, I personally didn’t identify with Hanna, so I didn’t find the smoking very off-putting. She’s just frustrated and stressed. If you did want me to identify I’d fix it.
Bit late onto this, but wow. Seriously impressed. I got the “oh no the novel has finished come back imaginary world don’t leave me!” feeling when I finished, and it’s not even a novel.
Feedback:
Central concept is great, really good illustration of the weirdtopia concept.
More length would be great, I would totally lap up more details of what happened to other characters, say, or just generic “life in Equestria” description.
I would like to see at least a brief second mention of the person from the intro, just for balance. If felt like I got to know her too well to never hear from her again.
On the smoking point, I personally didn’t identify with Hanna, so I didn’t find the smoking very off-putting. She’s just frustrated and stressed. If you did want me to identify I’d fix it.
You probably need an extra linebreak before your bulleted list.
Thanks.