Related to the sleep example, because you didn’t say exactly this, and it makes a stronger case:
I noticed some time ago that my misery when waking up was a negotiation tactic from when my parents would wake me up. They were nice enough to let me sleep a little longer if I looked sufficiently upset at being woken up. It became obvious recently that I was pattern-matching my alarm to a parent. How do I know this? Because I knew that if I started loudly singing a cheery tune with a smile on my face I’d automatically become less miserable, but I never did, because I didn’t want to be less miserable, even though my parents weren’t around anymore. I started doing it when I realized this, and it works pretty well!
(There was one more problem, of feeling like I’m manipulating myself, which seems at first to be at odds with building self-loyalty. I think this went away as I got more comfortable with the idea of sometimes “wanting to be manipulated” for my own success, of desiring less freedom (which would be sacrilege to my younger self). Reading about Kegan’s model of adult development and experimenting with BDSM helped me get there somehow.)
One problem with applying this thesis (did I mention I wholeheartedly agree with it?) is that it’s hard to refrain from inadvertently reinforcing such negotiation tactics when someone else looks miserable (like my parents did), ie ferberization is painful (not to mention patronizing when done to adults). I think it’s possible to be honest about it with someone reasonable and smart enough to grasp the subtleties, and then, usually only after they’re done having their episode, but there’s no good solution to this AFAIK. Else we wouldn’t have hard problems of income redistribution either—the problem of helping those who need it without inducing weakness/dependence.
BTW, Is there an economic term for this specific problem?
Related to the sleep example, because you didn’t say exactly this, and it makes a stronger case:
I noticed some time ago that my misery when waking up was a negotiation tactic from when my parents would wake me up. They were nice enough to let me sleep a little longer if I looked sufficiently upset at being woken up. It became obvious recently that I was pattern-matching my alarm to a parent. How do I know this? Because I knew that if I started loudly singing a cheery tune with a smile on my face I’d automatically become less miserable, but I never did, because I didn’t want to be less miserable, even though my parents weren’t around anymore. I started doing it when I realized this, and it works pretty well!
(There was one more problem, of feeling like I’m manipulating myself, which seems at first to be at odds with building self-loyalty. I think this went away as I got more comfortable with the idea of sometimes “wanting to be manipulated” for my own success, of desiring less freedom (which would be sacrilege to my younger self). Reading about Kegan’s model of adult development and experimenting with BDSM helped me get there somehow.)
One problem with applying this thesis (did I mention I wholeheartedly agree with it?) is that it’s hard to refrain from inadvertently reinforcing such negotiation tactics when someone else looks miserable (like my parents did), ie ferberization is painful (not to mention patronizing when done to adults). I think it’s possible to be honest about it with someone reasonable and smart enough to grasp the subtleties, and then, usually only after they’re done having their episode, but there’s no good solution to this AFAIK. Else we wouldn’t have hard problems of income redistribution either—the problem of helping those who need it without inducing weakness/dependence.
BTW, Is there an economic term for this specific problem?