I suspect this is one of those things where both ways are true. I do believe that at least to some extent, social skills are hard-wired into human brains, and spending too much conscious thought on social actions can actually impede them.
For a bit of anecdotal evidence, I fairly often experience difficulty finding the “right” moments to insert a comment into a conversation among several people. But at other times, in a very similar conversation I can easily join in the conversation in a way that feels natural and doesn’t appear to startle or annoy anyone.
One obvious factor correlated to the difference is familiarity with the group. So possibly my Mind 1 / Elephant knows more about their particular cues for attention-sharing, and/or they know more about my own semiconscious signals for having something to say. But I can also experience different degrees of ability to speak in conversation among the same group of people. A second factor which correlates to that ability is whether I feel comfortable, or anxious. I would describe the effects of anxiety (at least on my mind) as preoccupying the Mind 2 / Rider with unproductive thoughts. So it seems this might be a simple example of overthinking interfering with social skills I do have. (Though sadly, I can’t “switch modes” at will, nor easily take precise measurements of what happens when I am doing it “right”. And yes, these two “factors” are themselves very correlated.)
On the other hand, many social skills can only be learned. The ones we don’t get for free with our brains, we can train with conscious effort, and with luck engrain them into the semiconscious “System 1”.
I assume Systems 1 and 2 here refer to this Elephant and Rider article.
I suspect this is one of those things where both ways are true. I do believe that at least to some extent, social skills are hard-wired into human brains, and spending too much conscious thought on social actions can actually impede them.
For a bit of anecdotal evidence, I fairly often experience difficulty finding the “right” moments to insert a comment into a conversation among several people. But at other times, in a very similar conversation I can easily join in the conversation in a way that feels natural and doesn’t appear to startle or annoy anyone.
One obvious factor correlated to the difference is familiarity with the group. So possibly my Mind 1 / Elephant knows more about their particular cues for attention-sharing, and/or they know more about my own semiconscious signals for having something to say. But I can also experience different degrees of ability to speak in conversation among the same group of people. A second factor which correlates to that ability is whether I feel comfortable, or anxious. I would describe the effects of anxiety (at least on my mind) as preoccupying the Mind 2 / Rider with unproductive thoughts. So it seems this might be a simple example of overthinking interfering with social skills I do have. (Though sadly, I can’t “switch modes” at will, nor easily take precise measurements of what happens when I am doing it “right”. And yes, these two “factors” are themselves very correlated.)
On the other hand, many social skills can only be learned. The ones we don’t get for free with our brains, we can train with conscious effort, and with luck engrain them into the semiconscious “System 1”.