Everybody has heard this. Not everybody has heard a clear explanation of how you learn body language. It’s not a trivial thing, and most exhortations to learn body language come across as “Because you fail to operate your meat-puppet according to a long list of rules which I will not explain, many of which you don’t know that you don’t know, you are socially and morally deficient.” I know that’s not your intent.
What I really liked about this article is that it breaks down some of the basics into pieces small enough for someone to learn and follow. That’s valuable.
Not everybody has heard a clear explanation of how you learn body language. It’s not a trivial thing, and most exhortations to learn body language come across as “Because you fail to operate your meat-puppet according to a long list of rules which I will not explain, many of which you don’t know that you don’t know, you are socially and morally deficient.”
The strange thing is that when a nerd is disrespected via reference to an engineering or physics principle that they are not in the loop about they are probably going to head to google and learn their missing knowledge. But not all of those same nerds will head to google to learn the social knowledge. It’ll take a lot of study and practice to master it but there are more than enough resources available to get started.
No, not everybody knows the importance of body language. I run into people all the time who don’t know this.
But yes, of course a clear explanation of how to develop good body language is important. I just don’t have time to write that book right now. But I am developing a curriculum on it for the rationality boot camp and mini-camp.
A way to learn body language is simply watching others in social situations, trying to imagine yourself in the same positions, and seeing what they do differently than you would have. The obverse is that you have to practice it yourself as well.
Go to a crowded but impersonal place, like a mall. Watch people in general. Spend time looking at the distance between them, how their voices sound, and anything that stands out.
Could you please resolve your approval of the (IMHO excellent) material wedrifid provided with this comment:
This is why I don’t like the manipulative tactics of pick-up artistry. There is a distinct difference between someone trying to become more able socially, and someone that tries to mirror your beliefs, preferences, and opinions in order to manipulate you. Learning to express yourself doesn’t repel me the way masks and PUA do.
To be clear, I think you’ve prematurely written off a good source of useful information that could help you get what you want, and I don’t think there’s any need for it. I am not advocating trying to trick people into acting against their interests.
Learning to interpret body language and avoiding transmitting unintentional signals are very good skills to have. Attempting to then manipulate someone else into trusting you with any of the more common PUA techniques like anchoring or mirroring I view as dark arts. I have read about PUA, though it was to be able to identify any techniques being used on me and not to practice them myself.
tl;dr: Studying the techniques seems useful. Actually using them to manipulate is Dark Arts.
Everybody has heard this. Not everybody has heard a clear explanation of how you learn body language. It’s not a trivial thing, and most exhortations to learn body language come across as “Because you fail to operate your meat-puppet according to a long list of rules which I will not explain, many of which you don’t know that you don’t know, you are socially and morally deficient.” I know that’s not your intent.
What I really liked about this article is that it breaks down some of the basics into pieces small enough for someone to learn and follow. That’s valuable.
The strange thing is that when a nerd is disrespected via reference to an engineering or physics principle that they are not in the loop about they are probably going to head to google and learn their missing knowledge. But not all of those same nerds will head to google to learn the social knowledge. It’ll take a lot of study and practice to master it but there are more than enough resources available to get started.
For example.
No, not everybody knows the importance of body language. I run into people all the time who don’t know this.
But yes, of course a clear explanation of how to develop good body language is important. I just don’t have time to write that book right now. But I am developing a curriculum on it for the rationality boot camp and mini-camp.
Thanks!
A way to learn body language is simply watching others in social situations, trying to imagine yourself in the same positions, and seeing what they do differently than you would have. The obverse is that you have to practice it yourself as well.
Go to a crowded but impersonal place, like a mall. Watch people in general. Spend time looking at the distance between them, how their voices sound, and anything that stands out.
Could you please resolve your approval of the (IMHO excellent) material wedrifid provided with this comment:
To be clear, I think you’ve prematurely written off a good source of useful information that could help you get what you want, and I don’t think there’s any need for it. I am not advocating trying to trick people into acting against their interests.
Learning to interpret body language and avoiding transmitting unintentional signals are very good skills to have. Attempting to then manipulate someone else into trusting you with any of the more common PUA techniques like anchoring or mirroring I view as dark arts. I have read about PUA, though it was to be able to identify any techniques being used on me and not to practice them myself.
tl;dr: Studying the techniques seems useful. Actually using them to manipulate is Dark Arts.