I understand where you are coming from. I used to be similarly. Shortly, after Circling came to Berlin I had a conversation with an acquaintance. The Circling frame allowed us to have a frank conversation. In the conversation the acquaintance told me that they can’t respect me when I’m not connected to my needs. They would like to respect me, but if I don’t change that they can’t.
When dealing with rationalists it’s not a requirement for having a friendship with another person but for a significant part of the population it’s a necessary criteria for having a friendship with them. It very directly leads to a rejection from those people if you want to be friends with them because you are not able to participate in the social push and pull that the person is used to having with their friends.
David Burns (who helped popularize CBT by writing Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy and who’s book Feeling Good Together is also frequently recommended in our rationalist circles) wrote When Panic Attacks: The New, Drug-Free Anxiety Therapy That Can Change Your Life. The book does a good job explaining how your need to be nice leads to your anxiety issues. I would recommend you to read it.
I understand where you are coming from. I used to be similarly. Shortly, after Circling came to Berlin I had a conversation with an acquaintance. The Circling frame allowed us to have a frank conversation. In the conversation the acquaintance told me that they can’t respect me when I’m not connected to my needs. They would like to respect me, but if I don’t change that they can’t.
When dealing with rationalists it’s not a requirement for having a friendship with another person but for a significant part of the population it’s a necessary criteria for having a friendship with them. It very directly leads to a rejection from those people if you want to be friends with them because you are not able to participate in the social push and pull that the person is used to having with their friends.
David Burns (who helped popularize CBT by writing Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy and who’s book Feeling Good Together is also frequently recommended in our rationalist circles) wrote When Panic Attacks: The New, Drug-Free Anxiety Therapy That Can Change Your Life. The book does a good job explaining how your need to be nice leads to your anxiety issues. I would recommend you to read it.