So I’ve been thinking about this particular branch for a while and I think I have a slightly different diagnosis from PoignardAzur, which I think nearly lines up with yours but has an important difference. I think this is the important part:
I’m still not really considering this hypothesis (even internally).
This “X was wrong” concept isn’t even a recognizable concept in my native cognitive format.
...
Which you perhaps would parse as “Nate believed that both parties Were Wrong”, but that’s not the way that I dice things up, internally.
Even if you are not tracking who is Wrong is any particular interaction, if other people are tracking who is Wrong, that seems like an important thing for you to handle because it will be a large part of how they interpret communication from you. (For the bike pump example, the thing where you saw Kurt as “begging pardon” seems like evidence this was plausibly up for Kurt / you could have guessed this was up for Kurt in the moment.) One way to interpret the situation is:
Kurt: I am Wrong but would like to displace that to the bike pump
Nate: Rejected! >:[
Kurt: :(
I am imagining that you were not asking for this sort of situation (and would have been less interested in a “save your time” deal if “do emotional labor for people helping you” had explicitly been part of the deal), but my guess is attention to this sort of thing is the next place to look for attacking the source of the problem.
[Also, I’m not trying to confidently assert this is what was actually up for Kurt in the moment—instead I’m asking “if this story made me side with Kurt, why did that happen?”]
So I’ve been thinking about this particular branch for a while and I think I have a slightly different diagnosis from PoignardAzur, which I think nearly lines up with yours but has an important difference. I think this is the important part:
Even if you are not tracking who is Wrong is any particular interaction, if other people are tracking who is Wrong, that seems like an important thing for you to handle because it will be a large part of how they interpret communication from you. (For the bike pump example, the thing where you saw Kurt as “begging pardon” seems like evidence this was plausibly up for Kurt / you could have guessed this was up for Kurt in the moment.) One way to interpret the situation is:
Kurt: I am Wrong but would like to displace that to the bike pump
Nate: Rejected! >:[
Kurt: :(
I am imagining that you were not asking for this sort of situation (and would have been less interested in a “save your time” deal if “do emotional labor for people helping you” had explicitly been part of the deal), but my guess is attention to this sort of thing is the next place to look for attacking the source of the problem.
[Also, I’m not trying to confidently assert this is what was actually up for Kurt in the moment—instead I’m asking “if this story made me side with Kurt, why did that happen?”]