For what it’s worth, I think mediation in situations like this seems like a naive and terrible strategy.
I do not want to aim for and end state of “the relationships have been mended”. That seems outside of the scope of what we can reasonably commit to in the majority of wrongdoings. And it’s just not what I think you should aim for when trying to get justice after someone has been hurt.
When a crime is committed like theft or damages, courts would not issue that the defendant has to engage in “100 hours of mediation”, I think they’d be like “go to prison for 6 months” or “pay back $100k to the defendants”.
I think if the wrongdoing has been established as having happened (e.g. by courts or by however the local social environment figures that sort of thing out), the wrongdoer should pay a cost that makes sure the initial act was not worth it to them (ex ante), and then everyone can move on, and the parties involved can figure out whatever relationship they want after that (including no relationship).
It’s far easier to look past former wrongs after debts have been paid or bad deeds punished, and it’s good to avoid having the victim and the perpetrator talk about it at length. That is often both unproductive and painful for the victim.
Edit: Oops! I wrote ‘meditation’ instead of ‘mediation’. Fixed.
Forced or badly done mediation seems indeed terrible, entering into conversation facilitated by someone skilled with an intent to genuinely understand the harms caused and make sure you correct he underlying patterns seems much less bad than the actual way the situation played out.
I agree with that statement as worded, but you still seem to be presupposing a view of ‘mediation is good-by-default in this sort of situation’ that at least don’t think you’ve argued for.
That’s fair, I’ve added a note to the bottom of the post to clarify my intended meaning. I am not arguing for it in a well-backed up way, just stating the output of my models from being fairly close to the situation and having watched a different successful mediation.
For what it’s worth, I think mediation in situations like this seems like a naive and terrible strategy.
I do not want to aim for and end state of “the relationships have been mended”. That seems outside of the scope of what we can reasonably commit to in the majority of wrongdoings. And it’s just not what I think you should aim for when trying to get justice after someone has been hurt.
When a crime is committed like theft or damages, courts would not issue that the defendant has to engage in “100 hours of mediation”, I think they’d be like “go to prison for 6 months” or “pay back $100k to the defendants”.
I think if the wrongdoing has been established as having happened (e.g. by courts or by however the local social environment figures that sort of thing out), the wrongdoer should pay a cost that makes sure the initial act was not worth it to them (ex ante), and then everyone can move on, and the parties involved can figure out whatever relationship they want after that (including no relationship).
It’s far easier to look past former wrongs after debts have been paid or bad deeds punished, and it’s good to avoid having the victim and the perpetrator talk about it at length. That is often both unproductive and painful for the victim.
Edit: Oops! I wrote ‘meditation’ instead of ‘mediation’. Fixed.
Forced or badly done mediation seems indeed terrible, entering into conversation facilitated by someone skilled with an intent to genuinely understand the harms caused and make sure you correct he underlying patterns seems much less bad than the actual way the situation played out.
I agree with that statement as worded, but you still seem to be presupposing a view of ‘mediation is good-by-default in this sort of situation’ that at least don’t think you’ve argued for.
That’s fair, I’ve added a note to the bottom of the post to clarify my intended meaning. I am not arguing for it in a well-backed up way, just stating the output of my models from being fairly close to the situation and having watched a different successful mediation.