I want to repair myself in the way that produces as whole and real a person as possible.
Seems to me there is some tension between “repair” and “as real as possible”. I mean, at this moment, you are a real person, not an imaginary person. On the other hand, imaginary person is… well, at this moment it is the person you imagine yourself to be after the repair.
Make a list of traits that you know to have. That is real. Whether it fits some predefined category, that’s a completely different question. By the way each category has some range, not just one narrow specific model; and especially not just one “strawperson” model (a hysterical anorectic blonde woman in pink, or a silent frowning man with gigantic muscles). So if you have a trait or two outside of what you think is typical for the category, I would guess most members of the category are also like that.
I also propose a hypothesis that intelligent people have it more complicated by the fact that intelligence makes them different from an average person, and consequently also from an average person of their gender. If stupid women spend 24 hours a day discussing shopping, gossip and boyfriends, a smart woman seems “manly” compared with them, just because she does not care about those topics that much. Similarly, if stupid men spend 24 hours a day discussing beer, football and women, a smart man seems “girly” compared with them, just because he does not care about those topics that much. Even if they care somewhat about those topics, just because they don’t want to discuss the topic 24 hours a day, makes them comparatively uninterested.
Seems to me there is some tension between “repair” and “as real as possible”. I mean, at this moment, you are a real person, not an imaginary person. On the other hand, imaginary person is… well, at this moment it is the person you imagine yourself to be after the repair.
Make a list of traits that you know to have. That is real. Whether it fits some predefined category, that’s a completely different question. By the way each category has some range, not just one narrow specific model; and especially not just one “strawperson” model (a hysterical anorectic blonde woman in pink, or a silent frowning man with gigantic muscles). So if you have a trait or two outside of what you think is typical for the category, I would guess most members of the category are also like that.
I also propose a hypothesis that intelligent people have it more complicated by the fact that intelligence makes them different from an average person, and consequently also from an average person of their gender. If stupid women spend 24 hours a day discussing shopping, gossip and boyfriends, a smart woman seems “manly” compared with them, just because she does not care about those topics that much. Similarly, if stupid men spend 24 hours a day discussing beer, football and women, a smart man seems “girly” compared with them, just because he does not care about those topics that much. Even if they care somewhat about those topics, just because they don’t want to discuss the topic 24 hours a day, makes them comparatively uninterested.