Or he could’ve been clearer and not blindsided me. I had no idea startling was personally offended because none of his comments were anything out of the ordinary for that vein of mock offensive humor
I suppose one difficulty with that kind of environment is that if someone actually tries to call someone else out for being insulting, it’s easy to miss the call-out or mistake it for a joke. In other conversational environments, if someone said “‘deceptive’ is a pretty terrible word to use for trans people” and “gwern, what a disgusting thing to say,” it might have sunk in that they were serious and you wouldn’t have later felt blindsided?
In other conversational environments, if someone said “‘deceptive’ is a pretty terrible word to use for trans people” and “gwern, what a disgusting thing to say,” it might have sunk in that they were serious and you wouldn’t have later felt blindsided?
Oh sure. For example: if someone says ‘what a horrible thing to say’ while simultaneously smiling, you would have to have Aspergers or something to not be certain that they were playing along; while if they furrowed their brow and frowned, it might be a good idea to immediately backtrack or alternately make the joke sufficiently outrageous that they’d realize that you couldn’t possibly believe that and were joking.
(Definitely one of the disadvantages of IRC, although in general I find it a very congenial environment.)
Sure. On the other hand, someone who’s used to being on the receiving end of hateful comments, and who’s used to not being taken seriously when they object to them, might pattern-match the same conversation onto that expectation.
It’s not uncommon for people to express derision or contempt honestly, then to back off by claiming to have been joking when someone calls them on it and they realize their contempt is not shared. Someone who’s used to being the target of that sort of thing may abandon attempts to “be clearer” sooner than you’d prefer, because what’s the point?
Simon: No, I didn’t mean — Kaylee: Yeah you did. You meant everything you just said. Simon: Well, no. Uh, actually I was being ironic, so in in in the strictest sense — Kaylee: You were being mean, is what. And if that’s what you think of this life, then you can’t think much of them that choose it, can you.
I suppose one difficulty with that kind of environment is that if someone actually tries to call someone else out for being insulting, it’s easy to miss the call-out or mistake it for a joke. In other conversational environments, if someone said “‘deceptive’ is a pretty terrible word to use for trans people” and “gwern, what a disgusting thing to say,” it might have sunk in that they were serious and you wouldn’t have later felt blindsided?
Oh sure. For example: if someone says ‘what a horrible thing to say’ while simultaneously smiling, you would have to have Aspergers or something to not be certain that they were playing along; while if they furrowed their brow and frowned, it might be a good idea to immediately backtrack or alternately make the joke sufficiently outrageous that they’d realize that you couldn’t possibly believe that and were joking.
(Definitely one of the disadvantages of IRC, although in general I find it a very congenial environment.)
Sure. On the other hand, someone who’s used to being on the receiving end of hateful comments, and who’s used to not being taken seriously when they object to them, might pattern-match the same conversation onto that expectation.
It’s not uncommon for people to express derision or contempt honestly, then to back off by claiming to have been joking when someone calls them on it and they realize their contempt is not shared. Someone who’s used to being the target of that sort of thing may abandon attempts to “be clearer” sooner than you’d prefer, because what’s the point?
Simon: No, I didn’t mean —
Kaylee: Yeah you did. You meant everything you just said.
Simon: Well, no. Uh, actually I was being ironic, so in in in the strictest sense —
Kaylee: You were being mean, is what. And if that’s what you think of this life, then you can’t think much of them that choose it, can you.
Huh, that’s what emoticons are for.