I reject out of hand the idea that she should deconvert in the closet and systematically lie to everyone she knows.
I had to do this until I was able to sever myself from parental support at age 20. It certainly wasn’t pleasant and sometimes I still have nightmares about being discovered breaking the Sabbath (though I’ve told my parents long since). But if you ask me whether I would have rather remained religious, TEN THOUSAND TIMES NO!
I don’t know your parents, but I know the people who will be Wednesday’s. Nothing terrible will happen to Wednesday if she deconverts: she would make her parents a little sad, and they would probably try to argue her around, but they would not do her harm or kick her out of the house or otherwise mistreat her in any way, shape, or form. I do not object to deception in self-defense (or defense of others in Jews-in-the-attic-in-Nazi-Germany situations), but Wednesday will not require deceptive self-defense.
Nothing terrible will happen to Wednesday if she deconverts
The terrible thing has already happened at this stage. Telling your children that lies are true (i.e., that Mormonism is true), when they have no better way of discerning the truth than simply believing what you say, is abusive and anti-moralistic. It is fundamentally destructive of a person’s ability to cope with reality.
I have never heard a story of deconversion that was painless. Everyone I know who has deconverted from a religious upbringing has undergone large amounts of internal (and often external) anguish. Even after deconverting most have not been capable of severing ties to the destructive people who doomed them to this pain in the first place.
I don’t know your parents, but I know the people who will be Wednesday’s. Nothing terrible will happen to Wednesday if she deconverts: she would make her parents a little sad, and they would probably try to argue her around, but they would not do her harm or kick her out of the house or otherwise mistreat her in any way, shape, or form. I do not object to deception in self-defense (or defense of others in Jews-in-the-attic-in-Nazi-Germany situations), but Wednesday will not require deceptive self-defense.
Isn’t this an argument in favor of her becoming an atheist, if the side effects to her are less than to me?
Just because she’d incur a lesser cost doesn’t mean she has to value the end enough to tolerate even that lesser cost.
The terrible thing has already happened at this stage. Telling your children that lies are true (i.e., that Mormonism is true), when they have no better way of discerning the truth than simply believing what you say, is abusive and anti-moralistic. It is fundamentally destructive of a person’s ability to cope with reality.
I have never heard a story of deconversion that was painless. Everyone I know who has deconverted from a religious upbringing has undergone large amounts of internal (and often external) anguish. Even after deconverting most have not been capable of severing ties to the destructive people who doomed them to this pain in the first place.